edmosphere

Drop Out - The So Unknown

2012-02-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

Calculated or not, this will probably go down as one of the biggest gamble of my life. It is going to either make or break the year ahead for me and it scares me. The fear of failure and rejection haunts me a little bit more with each breath I take as each passing second is a second closer to the unknown. And I am terrified of the unknown. Countless scenarios appear in my head of all the possibilities that could eventually take place. Seeing as to how everything overlaps and intertwines, the outcome will change everything.

We're dropping out into the so unknown.

I will give you this confession
I am taking you with me
Where we can contemplate our chemistry
And your eyes were lined with questions
With the blood rushing to waste
To take this feeling with us to our graves
To our graves

I get the feeling we're so misdirected
I get the feeling we have lost control
'Til then I'll turn you to the new religion
We're dropping out into the so unknown
The so unknown, yeah

And we won't wake up on Sunday
So I'm building us a church
Where we can sleep in with the gods at work
And our friends will write us letters
They'll never understand why we don't call
We're hiding out until the empire falls
Let it fall

I get the feeling we're so misdirected
I get the feeling we have lost control
'Til then I'll turn you to the new religion
We're dropping out into the so unknown

If we have lost control
We're drifting slow
Into the so unknown
If we have lost control
We're drifting slow
So we drop out

And I'll give you this confession
I am taking you with me

I get the feeling we're so misdirected
I get the feeling we have lost control
'Til then I'll turn you to the new religion
We're dropping out into the so unknown

I get the feeling we got disconnected
I get the feeling we have lost control
'Til then I'll turn you to the new religion
We're dropping out into the so unknown

The so unknown, yeah
The so unknown
The so unknown, yeah

Drop Out - The So Unknown by Jack's Mannequin.

Session 05

2012-01-29T01:50:00.001+08:00

Shrink:
So what was it like for Dean?

Patient:
Well, he kept to himself most of the time. He watched a lot of TV. He wasn't like umm...

Shrink:
Wait, I got it. He didn't have many friends. And his mom and dad slash grandma and grandpa always were just a little too tired to wanna play. So when he was around kids, he would just sit in the corner and occupy himself. Because that's all he knew how to do. I mean how would he know any different.

Patient:
Wow, that's uh, pretty good.

Shrink:
Yeah, I can relate.

Patient:
Well sadly, awhile after his 12th birthday. His grandmother suddenly got sick.

Shrink:
And that's how...

Patient:
And that's how.

Session 05 by The Early November.

Live For Love United

2012-01-23T13:35:00.002+08:00

If he is a football fan, he's a keeper.

One's loyalty towards his adopted football team is equivalent to his commitment to a girl. Even if you're fighting for survival in the relegation zone or struggling in the lower leagues that no one seems to care about, he'll walk through the depths of hell with you. You can depend on him because you know that even if you've let him down before, he'll turn up at the next match of your life and he'll be rooting for no one else but you. He'll sing you songs with pride to encourage you when you're down. He'll even change the lyrics and banters with the oppositions because you find them hilarious.

If he wakes up in the middle of the night to watch a game, he'd do the same when the baby's crying. He would make it a priority to make time for you and he'll be armed with a few bottles of beer and bowls of finger food to make sure no one gets hungry.

Eventually, the line gets blurred and what's yours is his. His mood will mirror yours. If you've got a good day, his day is made. If you're having a bad one, his day is ruined. Your rivalries with other teams become his personal vendettas. Your daily events and opinions have inadvertently defined his.

He would never cheat on you despite his peers' pressure and temptations. There may well be others who play prettier and sexier football. Some have got longer legs and bigger racks in the form of talented players but in his eyes, no one is more beautiful. He may be offered by fame and fortune of a team bankrolled by a billionaire but he ain't no gold digger. He may be the laughing stock amongst his mates for putting so much faith in you but to him, you're perfect.

At times, he would voice out his concerns when dark forces decide to make your decisions for you because he knows what's best for you. He has your interest at heart. But even if you decide to go against his will and do something that upset him, he trusts you enough that you know what you're doing and the risks you're taking. He respects that decision and he can only hope that you know something he doesn't and everything will come good at the end of it all.

He'll protect you and keep you safe.

He'll keep your secrets to his graves.

He'll love you with his whole heart.

That's when you know he's a keeper.

Have you ever dreamed of playing for
The biggest team there is on earth
Have you ever played at dreaming large
The time is now and you are the star
The ball is travelling in your direction
Give it all of your attention
Pick it up and pass it on
That's what's gonna make us strong

We will live for love united
We will give for love united
For moments like this
For all those we missed
We will live for love united
Come together undivided
We will stand up
For all the people of the world

Have you ever dreamed of flying high
Looking down from heaven with god's eyes
You know we could use some intervention
Children needing your protection
It's not enough to sing this song
Lift the cup and it on

We will live for love united
We will give for love united
For moments like this
For all those we've missed
We will live for love united
Come together undivided
We will stand up
For all the people of the world

I play for love united
Juego para love united
Jag spelar för love united
Ne ngioka love united
Je joue pour love united

We will live for love united
We will give for love united
For moments like this
For all those we missed
We will live for love united
Come together undivided
We will stand up
For all the people of the world

The people of the world

Eu jogo para love united
Je joue pour love united
Ich spiele fur love united
Anka joue pou love united
Anch'io, io gioco per love united
Eu jogo para love united
Se hana a love united be wana

Live For Love United by Love United.

Session 04

2012-01-11T20:34:00.002+08:00

Patient:

You see the deal was, that her parents would take care of the kid until they got their feet on the ground. 'Cause they both have full time jobs and weren't financially stable yet, so they say. But her mom would always ask, "when are you gonna pick up Dean, the baby?" And they'd say they didn't have time or you know they weren't ready. You know time passed quick and he wasn't a baby anymore. And none of them really had the heart to tell him that his parents were too busy for him, didn't have time for him. So he never knew that his aunt and uncle were actually his mom and dad.

Shrink:
So they never picked him up?

Patient:
No, but they did however send checks every week to pay for all his expenses.

Shrink:
Well that's good, but I thought they couldn't afford it, that was why they couldn't pick him up right?

Patient:
Yeah.

Session 04 by The Early November.

...Still

2012-01-08T01:54:00.002+08:00

I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

The collapse of the world on the quietest day
This time it's the sun standing still
But holding on hope

For something that's good
I've come now as far as I can go today
In this vast empty space

But don't give up now
Don't give up now, no
Don't throw your heart away
Don't give up now
Don't give up now, no
Don't throw your heart away

The collapse of the world on the quietest day
This time it's the sun standing still

...Still by Deas Vail.

The New Year

2012-01-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

2011 was the best one yet, no regrets. Mistakes aplenty but I'd do it all again.

Agenda for 2012:

1. Love

2. Do good

3. Live righteously

4. The Summer State

5. Make many more mistakes

6. Regret none of the mistakes I made

7. Forgive and forget

8. Love some more

Have a smashing 2012 anonymous visitors, cheers.

So this is the new year
And I don't feel any different
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance, in the distance

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self-assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes or speedtrains or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
There'd be no distance that could hold us back
There'd be no distance that could hold us back

So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year
So this is the new year

The New Year by Death Cab For Cutie.

Strength To Stay

2011-12-30T14:46:00.003+08:00

Your careless tongue is spreading cancer to the rest of the world. If you don't see the point in this then why are you still here?

Can you breathe, does it hurt
What's it like when you can see it coming

When it takes all that you get, just to speak
Can you hear every word

As the morning comes and is all transforming
Would it make the slightest difference if you could see

And you wanna get out of here
'Cause you don't have the strength to stay
And lost and confused you leave with the atmosphere
It's all we can do, it's all we can do

It's the mark and the scar
It's this all consuming act of silence

As we walk out to the room in a daze
It's the sound of the car

And the way the road will make the most sense
If we'd ever just quite figure out what it's saying
It's the back of the blade

It's the dull but painful ache
Can it hurt, can it save

'Cause you wanna get out of here
And you don't have the strength to stay
And lost and confused you leave with the atmosphere
It's all we can do to live and to long for yesterday

And when it takes all we have left to breathe
And everything we have inside to speak
You can't find the nerve when all you want is to bleed
Can we say that we're safe

You, do you, do you wanna get out of here

And you wanna get out of here

'Cause you don't have the strength to stay
And lost and confused you leave with the atmosphere
It's all we can do to live and to long for yesterday

Strength To Stay by Go Radio.

Snow Globe

2011-12-28T14:32:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'm over-reacting.

I used to believe that no one else was alive
And all of the world was just a show inside my own mind
The dog's on a leash, tied to a pole, shaking above the snow
I try to pretend, I try to pretend, everything's just in my head

The choir's in line, belting its soul, over the dying crowd
Singing for love, their voices will soar, and disappear through the floor

I used to believe that no one else was alive
And all of the world was just a show inside my own mind

Snow Globe by Armor For Sleep.

Standing...

2011-12-26T17:55:00.000+08:00

"Well, we aren't friends are we? Not really. We avoid each other, we smile politely, we're two people who pretend to be friends because it would be inconvenient not to." - Ted Mosby

People come and go. It's a shame really, but life happens. At the end of the day, the people who matter will stand by you and with you while those who don't, disappear at the first sign of trouble.

I won't pretend that we are all friends
When all of us know that we're not
And I am afraid of pulling my name
Away from the places I know I've been
On this slow down descent

Standing... by Deas Vail.

Somebody's Gonna Miss Us

2011-12-10T14:55:00.003+08:00

And then it struck me, I should really have realised it sooner but everything stopped. The name-calling. The teasing. I'm actually glad for that.

But oddly enough, a part of me misses that very much because along with it, the laughters too.

If this is worth my time
Then I'll be here for a while
If this is worth your while
Then you're making me smile
If S-I-L-Y-M-I is all you want
Then I'm not sure how much in common we've got
If you think you've had enough
If you think you've had enough

Somebody's gonna miss us when nobody's here
For this song
Somebody's gonna miss out when nobody's in
In the club

'Cause this is no attempt to abandon anyone
It is the influence of music we love
Well, if you can't relate and refuse to sing along
Then maybe I can interest you in some other song
A little something like

'All That She Wants Is Another Baby,' yeah

Somebody's gonna miss us when nobody's here
For this song
Somebody's gonna miss out when nobody's in
In the club

Well, oh my, if it's gonna take time
It's gonna need all of my
All of my mistakes
Are gonna be solved
Never gonna be great

Somebody's gonna miss us when nobody's here
For this song
Somebody's gonna miss out when nobody's in
In the club

Somebody's gonna miss us when nobody's here
Here for this song, man, I hope they will
Somebody's gonna miss out when nobody's in
In

Somebody's Gonna Miss Us by The Starting Line.

Goodnight, Travel Well

2011-12-06T22:19:00.003+08:00

3 December 2011 -

Honestly, I don't know whether to feel happy or sad for you. I don't know you anymore and since you know yourself better than anyone else does, I'm sure you're doing what's best for you. I can only hope it is the right one and you won't come to regret those big life-changing decisions. Know that I respect you for it. I wish you well.

Goodnight my friend, travel well.

The unknown distance to the great beyond
Stares back at my grieving frame
To cast my shadow by the holy sun
My spirit moans with a sacred pain

It's quiet now
The universe is standing still
There's nothing I can say
There's nothing we can do now
There's nothing I can say
There's nothing we can do now

And all that stands between the soul's release
This temporary flesh and bone
And know that it's over now
I feel my fading mind begin to roam
Every time you fall and every time you try
Every foolish dream and every compromise
Every word you spoke and everything you said
Everything you left me, rambles in my head

There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now
There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now

Up above the world, so high

Everything you loved and every time you try
Everybody's watching everybody cry
Stay, don't leave me

The stars can wait for your sign, don't signal now

There's nothing I can say
There's nothing I can do now
There's nothing I can say
There's nothing we can do now

Goodnight, travel well
Goodnight, travel well
There's nothing I can say
Nothing I can do now
Goodnight, travel well

Goodnight, travel well

Goodnight, Travel Well by The Killers.

You Belong Here

2011-12-05T23:24:00.004+08:00

2 December 2011 -

I can be quite a hypocrite sometimes.

I don't even why I do the things I do sometimes.

I guess I just wanted to feel like I belong.

You belong here
You were meant for me
You belong here
You were meant to be with me

You got the better part of me
Always have and always will
You got the better part of me, oh
And you know that I'm right

And I know I'm asking so much
And I know I'm taking control
But a heart that's not worth breaking
Isn't worth much, not at all
Isn't worth much at all

You belong here
You were meant for me
You belong here
You belong here with me
You were meant to be with me

You are the better part you'll see
Always have and always will
You'll be the better part of me, oh
For the rest of my life

And I know I'm asking too much
And I know I want control
But I'll give you all I have
It isn't much, not much at all
I'm not much at all

You belong here (you belong here)
You were meant for me
You belong here (you belong here)
You belong here with me
You belong here (You belong here)
You belong here with me
You were meant to be with me

But I'll give you all I have
It isn't much, not much at all
But a heart that's not worth breaking
Isn't worth much, not at all

You belong here (you belong here)
You were meant for me
You belong here (you belong here)
You belong here with me
You belong here (you belong here)
You belong here with me
You were meant to be with me

You Belong Here by Anberlin.

Good Things

2011-12-05T16:04:00.003+08:00

30 November 2011 -

This has got to be the most depressing week of my life. I feel small. I feel helpless. I feel so alone figuratively and literally. It felt like a week had gone by without a single good conversation with anyone other than myself. There is simply no one to talk to and nothing good to talk about anyway. Small talks about things that don't matter don't count. That makes me sad.

So I start talking to myself, in thoughts, out loud and now, in black and white.

No one really cares around here. Everyone seems so insincere and distant, like this part of the world is fabricated and a mirage of the real world. At the same time, it feels so real and I don't quite know where the real world is anymore.

The people here are different. Their mindset, their lifestyle, their behaviour. They come across as forced and fake.

I tried to get my mind off by reading a book, I've finished three-quarter of it. It didn't work. In fact, it's making me feel worse because it got me thinking more than my usual overthinking habit.

I thought about my friends and how much I would really like to teleport to wherever they are at this exact moment, even if only for a little while. I miss the presence of familiarity. Sadly these same people probably need me less than I need them. They get along fine with their own lives without me. It gets hard I guess when people don't quite understand you but I still believe in the best out of human beings, they've not forgotten me, they're merely spending time with temporary replacement friends who are also looking for temporary replacement friends to keep them company through the lonely days and nights.

That's really what life is about right? Just believing in the good and hoping that good will eventually find its way back to you.

I'm safe and whoever thought that was difficult
My nerves start to feel so frayed
I tried to turn things around, but instead
I'll say "Why do I feel so invisible?
Good things will come my way"
I'll try to turn things around and I'll wait

'Til the day when I stop making big mistakes
And the clouds, they roll out of this whole damn state
I believe in a place that I wanna go
Honesty will leave me feeling liveable
Once I change

Now that I've found some time

All the pain won't bother me
I've wanted to find

What my head keeps filtering

Irate, caught in the worst storm inside of me
Words start to feel misplaced
You can change what you want with your pen
I pray as things start to feel much more possible
This time I'll know what to say
You can live how you want in these days

When the way that you talk makes up history
It's important to know why you clench your teeth
I'll flee to a place that I wanna go
With a shift in a sound that is physical
Know I'll change

Now that I've found some time

All the pain won't bother me
I've wanted to find

What my head keeps filtering
That hole in my life

And how it stayed inside my limbs
Must have been caught up in my skin
And I rely on that
I'll change

Now that I've found some time

All the pain won't bother me

I've wanted to find

What my head keeps filtering
That hole in my life, I just want it to die

It must have stayed inside of my limbs
Must have been caught up in my skin

Good Things by The Dangerous Summer.

Session 03

2011-11-27T13:10:00.002+08:00

Shrink:
So what you're saying is, he grew up his whole life being tortured practically. And as soon as he gets a taste of what normal life is like, something huge happens, like an unexpected baby. He gets scared, he thinks he can't do it so he panics. And still being a kid himself, he does what any kid should do, he asks his parents for help. It seems pretty normal to me.

Patient:
Nah, you don't understand. See, they didn't just leave him there for a weekend while they got the house straightened up for him. They left him for weeks, for months, they left him for years.

Session 03 by The Early November.

Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass

2011-11-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

This is the season of givings, misgivings.

Merry Christmas, kiss my ass.

They told me I was lucky
To have my chance with you
Now last year's summer romance
Is this year's winter blues
I treated you so nicely
To jewelry and champagne
But you left me empty handed, yeah
You left me feeling plain

I hope you're happy with yourself
'Cause I’m not laughing
Don't you think it's kind of crappy
What you did this holiday?
When I gave you my heart

You ripped it apart
Like a wrapping paper trash
So I wrote you a song
Hope that you sing along
And it goes, "Merry Christmas,
Kiss my ass"

You say I'm losing my mind
I thought that for a while
I tear down decorations
They remind me of your smile
I hate that mistletoe it makes me
Think of our first kiss
You bit my lip, you pulled me close
And then you taught me how to quit

I hope you're happy with yourself
'Cause I'm not laughing
Don't you think it's kind of crappy
What you did this holiday?
When I gave you my heart

You ripped it apart
Like a wrapping paper trash
So I wrote you a song
Hope that you sing along
And it goes, “Merry Christmas,
Kiss my ass”

I'm so sick of calling
You up, telephone me
No, f*ck you girl, I'm going out
I gave you my all but I'm loving a wall now
I'm jingle belling and everyone's yelling
We'll drink till the bars shut us down
I think that's just what Christmas is all about

And I hope you're happy with yourself
'Cause I'm not laughing
Don’t you think it's so damn trashy
What you did this holiday? (so trashy)
I gave you my heart

You ripped it apart
Like a wrapping paper trash (wrapping paper trash)
So I wrote you a song
Hope that you sing along
And it goes, “Merry Christmas, bitch
Kiss my ass”

Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass by All Time Low.

Session 02

2011-11-13T16:55:00.001+08:00

Shrink:
Sounds like he made out pretty good.

Patient:
Yeah, I guess. Started a life, went to school, had a job, got married. He was even going to be a lawyer. Everything seemed great. The only problem was he went from wanting nothing to wanting everything, more than he even knew what to do with. You see sometimes when you get that taste for wanting things, you only want for yourself. And if you ask me that's where it gets dangerous.

Session 02 by The Early November.

War Of My Life

2011-11-08T00:57:00.004+08:00

Life is a marathon and I'm running out of breath. It's getting incredibly tiring to just get out of bed and fulfill the day's agenda like a routine. There are days when I just feel so lost and misguided that it's difficult to find a purpose.

It's survival of the fittest.

The question is, what am I really fighting for?

I've stopped believing in so many things that there seems to be nothing left to keep me grounded.

There's only been 1 war that I've fought for all of my life, love. But even I lose hope sometimes due to the countless battles lost. I'm pretty sure I've discredited the very existence of love more than once and there's really nothing worse than losing faith in everything (the only thing) you ever believed in.

However I wouldn't be writing all of these if I have already given up, my body would probably be found floating in the infamous reservoir of the East that has drowned 6 lives in the past 5 months.

I guess I just need something to look forward to in relation to love and its other incarnations.

That is the war of my life.

Come out angels
Come out ghosts
Come out darkness
Bring everyone you know

I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting

And well prepared

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run away

I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash

I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Then nothing will

All the suffering
And all the pain
Never left a name, oh

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run
I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

No more suffering
No more pain
Never again

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run
I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

So fight on (I won't give up)

Fight on everyone (I won't run)

Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
Fight on (I won't give up)

Fight on everyone (I won't run)

Fight on (I won't stop for anyone)
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
So fight on (I won't give up)

War Of My Life by John Mayer.

Everyone Left

2011-11-04T22:18:00.003+08:00

Everyone left, now what?

I've seen my words carved
In the arms of a stranger as they let me know
They watched their love die
But picked it up later when they found that rope
Some say you need to bleed to believe in hurt
Some say you have to scar to belong to her

I'll live alone and find my peace
I will slip into a coma
Found somewhere north of Florida
But just south of Tennessee
'Cause the sun I finally reached it
Give me reason to move on now
But there's something in this heart I lost
Somehow

I'll set it down for you
And I wouldn't lie to you, now would I?
I built that road from the beginning with my hands
When you decided to take it
What did you take from it?
Was it worth the heart involved?
The obstacles?

The chemicals?
I need to know what you're trying to see

I'll live alone and find my peace
I will slip into a coma
Found somewhere north of Florida
But just south of Tennessee
'Cause the sun I finally reached it
Give me reason to move on now
But there's something in this heart I lost
Somehow

Are they slipping through
All those messages I sent
I will cart across to every single city and their states
When you hardly have a heart
But you need it just to break
When I haven't let my guard down
Just give my time to think

Well does it start to murmur?
It just needs some time to breathe
And in the light of murder
What if it carried me
Just to find that water
(I found the patterns release in me)
Just to find that water
(I found the patterns release in me)
Can I find that water?
(I found the patterns release in me)
Can I find that water?
(I found the patterns release in me)

I'll live alone and find my peace
I will slip into a coma
Found somewhere north of Florida
But just south of Tennessee
'Cause the sun I finally reached it
Give me reason to move on now
But there's something in this heart I lost
Somehow

I'll live alone and find my peace
I will slip into a coma
Found somewhere north of Florida
But just south of Tennessee
'Cause the sun I finally reached it
Give me reason to move on now
But there's something in this heart I lost
Somehow

Everyone Left by The Dangerous Summer.

The Party Scene

2011-10-27T21:27:00.000+08:00

I don't understand this generation's definition of party.

It usually involves booze, plenty of booze at that. The more booze, the better. The more drunk you get, the better. It's as if the idea of fun is inconceivable without losing their minds, forgetting the world and regretting their actions when morning comes (puking optional).

Where's the fun in losing control of yourself for the evening and waking up not remembering a single thing that happened the night before? You dig deep into your memory bank to piece the blurry scenes together. It's pretty much Hangover in real-life.

Everyone has this preconception that the Asian mentality is too uptight and rightly so, just look at me, I was raised in one and I've sort of picked up on that traditional route. Perhaps it's the upbringing so my view on these issues will be biased, but it's not that I haven't tried living that carefree life. I did and I didn't enjoy it very much.

With arguments like "you only live once, don't regret it" or "this is the only time you can get away with making mistakes" you've pretty much taken the bait, hook, line and sinker. You see, such statements are a sure-fire way to spur people on what is predicted to be an epic night. Sadly such nights are mere empty promises because predictions and outcomes aren't exactly friends.

In fact, I've regretted it each time I've taken part except for maybe a couple of memorable moments but those times are few and far between. They're made up of a maximum of hilarious 10 seconds per outings thus, I find the investments too heavy for a profit that meagre. When I say heavy investments, I really meant heavy investments. Time investment, financial investment, emotional investment and many more, but really, isn't that enough already? With the exception of money, the other investments are unquantifiable and I for sure have invested in a lot for all of the above. For that sum, I should be rewarded with a gold medal, or a good life but I got neither.

So I gave that up and decided to invest in things that make me happy. The little things that I can rely on and I know won't let me down.

Again, my opinions may be invalid because my lens are altered and I never did enjoy these kind of happenings anyway. Blame my introverted nature if you will but I am just not a fan, sorry if I can't (and don't know how to) appreciate it.

Nothing personal.

(I am aware that the post doesn't quite tally, it must be the cough mixture kicking in. And for the record, no, I've not invested in cough syrup to get me through, that's just sad.)

Hey, kid, you've got
A lot of potential but I think it's time to move up
So go on and blow us away with your sound
Now you're everything that we've come to love
You taught us to move, now we'll show it off
Just drop us the beat

Here's to the fast times

The times we felt alive
To all the nights that we forgot to get back home

Stay seventeen

The party scene has got the best of me and you
We've got to let this go

Drink up last call before the sunrise sets the scene
Of empty bottles, heavy hearts
The memories of broken dreams
We were so tired yet so alive
Wrapped up in lies like sheets of another one night stand
You know you left the girl with nothing

But the sunrise through the window pane where tired eyes will close

Stay seventeen

The party scene has got the best of me and you
We've got to let this go

I know she hopes I choke on this last drink
Drop dead before my influence gets to her head
She said, "I'll love you forever or find something better
It's all just the same as when we sleep together
We wake up with headaches and trouble remembering
What went wrong"

Stay seventeen

The party scene has got the best of me and you
We've got to let this go

The Party Scene by All Time Low.

Calling On All Stations

2011-10-25T14:35:00.002+08:00

I'm calling on all stations just to get through.

It's not that I don't love you anymore
No it's not that I don't want you anymore

No, it's not that I don't need this to be true
And I'm calling on all stations just to get through

We have done nothing wrong
So now you ought to know

I will never bow to you again
I have found a place to belong
And you should know
I vow to save this country from all the lies

Oh it's not that I don't love you anymore
And it's not that I don't need you anymore
I'm losing all my patience over you
Yeah, I'm losing all my patience over you

We have done nothing wrong
So now you ought to know

I will never bow to you again
I have found a place to belong
And you should know
I vow to save this country from all the lies

Your words that always teach you
These words just always lose you
Your words that always teach you
These words just always lose you

I will never bow to you again
I have found a place to belong
I will never bow to you again
I have found a place to belong
I vow to save this country

Calling On All Stations by Fightstar.

What Lucy Found There

2011-10-24T23:27:00.003+08:00

And that was what Lucy found.

All the leaves upon this tree

Are forming words and pointing them at me
And could it be a kind of sign

Informing me that I've been out of line

All the pages in this book

Are giving me an interesting look
And can they see beneath my eyes

And if they could I wonder what they'd find

And I won't feel alone tonight

'Cause I can see the candle burning bright
And the shadows and the light

Will keep me company tonight

What Lucy Found There by Sherwood.

Session 01

2011-10-24T10:31:00.002+08:00

Shrink:
Well, so he just left?

Patient:
See, there comes a point in everyone's life where they just start seeing things differently or you know, they're put in a situation where they have to. I guess it was just his night.

Shrink:
If you don't mind, whats his name?

Patient:
His name is Matt and I think his fathers name is Matt too, but I don't know.

Shrink:
Okay, so what happened next, where did he go from there?

Patient:
Well, he stood in his girlfriend's dorm room for a little while, he couldn't stay there long. And I think her father actually felt bad for him so he offered him a job as a file clerk at his law firm. Nothing special, just sorting papers. And her dad made him a deal he said, "if you take this job seriously and if you start going to school and you're serious about my daughter, I'll help you guys out with an apartment".

So he took it, and maybe Matt didn't really want that, maybe he didn't really want to go to school or work at a place like that but he also wanted to prove to his father that he was better off without him. That he wasn't a waste. And he also knew that making that deal with her dad would make his dad so much more mad because he hated her father. He always said how lazy he was and he steals peoples money, and he doesn't have a real job, and he doesn't know what it feels like to work. I guess that's the motivation he needed to straighten out his life.

But I don't think they ever talked again anyway so I don't think it really mattered.

Session 01 by The Early November.

A Toast To The Future Kids!

2011-10-09T15:43:00.002+08:00

The skill in attending a party is knowing when it's time to leave.

Here's to the future and the uncertainties that comes along with it.

Piece it all together now
Because I sell myself short every time
Oh, how you became my life
You took me in before I could back out
Well I still have faith
It will start again
Oh, I still have faith

Well I'm about to spend my cold life
Cutting corners, placing blame
Any moment this could catch fire
Erasing all the stains

So here's to starting over
We could be the same

We'll change it all together
The future's mine to claim (claim)
Mine to claim

You can't get out
Fear couldn't place its hands on us my dear
My pride has dropped
Because I couldn't sell short myself this time
String it along
Say you'll love me either way

Well I'm about to spend my cold life
Cutting corners, placing blame
Any moment this could catch fire
Erasing all the stains

So here's to starting over
We could be the same

We'll change it all together
The future's mine to claim

Seeing past
It's about time I asked for more
Watching my life

At the distance we have come
While I bled

While I've learned
But I always seem to give up on my self
String it along

Say you'll love me either way

Say you'll love me any way
While I'm alone
Say you'll love me either way

Mine to claim, claim

Well I'm about to spend my cold life
Cutting corners, placing blame
Any moment this could catch fire
Erasing all the stains

So here's to starting over
We could be the same

We'll change it all together
The future's mine to claim

A Toast To The Future Kids! by Emarosa.

Goodbye Friendship, Hello Heartache

2011-10-09T02:35:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry it had to come to this but I respect you enough to know that this will only lead us to a dark place. In order to prevent this from turning into a landslide, I've decided to uproot myself and relocate to a desolate and distant desert where no one could find me.

It took me this long to finally have the courage to leave it all behind me. To be frank, I am afraid of the uncertainty of unfamiliar territory but I was left with no choice. It was either this or be on the losing end, but don't get me wrong, this is in no way a victory of any sort. It is me, losing a battle with the war in mind and I cannot afford to lose the war. Not again.

It is for the greater good.

I an left with absolutely no one to rely on. As much as it pains me, it is only a natural phase of life that we grew out of.

Know that I'll always be open to reconnect but for now, our differences are too great and our pride too high up to settle this dispute. There will come a time when we'll learn to put our egos aside.

In case you're wondering, I am strong enough to deal with this and I am, in some respect, relieved.

You might not believe me now but you'll see the goodness come to life eventually.

As Ted Mosby once said "I think if you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy. Even if you wind up being left out".

Here's to the good times and to new beginnings.

Goodbye friendship and a life I once knew
Hello heartache, the second meeting came too soon

I admit it, I still think about those times when I was with you
So I'll drown these memories until this bottle turns empty
And I'll pray the feeling ends

And then I'll run away from you
Where you can't hurt me any further
I know just what to do
You give me hope when you know it's over

No more phone calls, don't tell me that you miss our talks
Quit saying sorry, cause sorry doesn't say enough

I admit it, I still think about those times when I was with you
So I'll drown these memories until this bottle turns empty
And I'll pray the feeling ends

And then I'll run away from you
Where you can't hurt me any further
I know just what to do
You give me hope when you know it's over

I'll run away from you

I'll run away from you
I'll run away from you

And then I'll run away from you
Where you can't hurt me any further
I know just what to do
You give me hope when you know it's over

Wasn't I good enough for you?

Goodbye Friendship, Hello Heartache by Cinematic Sunrise.

The Oracle

2011-10-08T03:09:00.005+08:00

The oracle.

Gargul the Oracle:
What a tragic mess

You fools have made of this
The soul's filled with vacancy
You've spoiled all the crops and seed
This was a birth, a gift

You daftly wasted it
The dust and dirt will stain your fists
You can't escape your own skin

Ahrima:
Every creation is plucked from a boundless hole of perception
Doomed to endure flaws of its fountain
The boy will one day cross the mountains

Gargul the Oracle:
And reunite this world's divided halves, fulfill their history
This is more than divine decree, it's his destiny

Angels:
So please take heed of this prophecy
Lifetimes from now there will be two chosen, bound to meet
Inside her lock he will turn the key
Their love will be strong enough to erase all the wrong we've done
Return us to where we belong, with the Light and Dark as one

Gargul the Oracle:
One day the strands will mend
All the torn seams and frayed ends

Will turn to one single thread
The cycle will begin
The choices he made that day

To burn down what he'd helped create
You have made this bed

Now you must sleep in it

Ahrima:
Every creation is plucked from a boundless hole of perception
Doomed to endure flaws of its fountain
The boy will one day cross the mountains

Gargul the Oracle:
And reunite this world's divided halves, fulfill their history
This is more than divine decree, it's his destiny

Nidria:
So take heed of this prophecy
Lifetimes from now there will be two chosen, bound to meet
In her lock he'll turn the key

Nidria and Ahrima:
Their true love will be strong enough

Ahrima:
To erase the wrong we've done

The Dark and Light will become one

Nidria and Ahrima:
Their true love will be strong enough

Ahrima:
To erase the wrong we've done

The Dark and Light will become one
What a tragic mess you fools have made of this

Narrator:
Time flashed by for the Dark and the Light
The two fragments, recessed

Still left unaddressed

Stranded in unrest
In the Dark lived two brothers

Adakias, the youngest

And the heir, Pallis
As children, of the lists of myths

Their favorite was the narrative
Of Holy The Sea And The Divided Terrene
Adakias would always dream of a destiny to leave

Of fulfilling the prophecy
But he was laughed at

Fitted with an unfavorable grafted cast for a foolish dreamer
A romance seeker

The streets frowned, but deep down he screamed out
He knew there was accuracy in the antiquated legacy
Legitimacy to the famed sea

A quiet certainty to his fated fantasies

The Oracle feat. Danny Stevens by Forgive Durden.

Monster

2011-09-24T04:47:00.000+08:00

When push comes to shove, I can't just stand still and not budge. I'm not strong enough and I'm not afraid to admit it. I can't please everyone so why do I keep trying to? I'm the only one at the losing end while everyone gets to benefit from the hard work I've toiled so hard for. Yet when ship fails to sail, the captain takes the blame and goes down with it.

Call me selfish, call me uptight and narrow minded but I know I am selfless enough to give everything I have at the very beginning to build it up only to have my presence deemed unneeded and my instructions unheeded halfway through. Soon enough, I'll be discarded like scrap metal because I'm too blunt to fit in with the other tools in the kit.

If only they could see the rusts eroding their lives. If only they could see that I'm only trying to prevent the rust from spreading fully to their whole entirety. If only they could see things the way I do and understand the underlying meanings behind why I do/say the things I do/say.

Perhaps I need to carve it out in stone. But even then, 80% of my heart says my effort will be in vain anyway? If they're not willing to listen, why should I keep trying then?

Out of love? Out of pity? Out of selflessness? Out of goodwill? Out of pride? Out of duty?

Maybe I am blinded by my own self's delusional thoughts of my contribution that I fail to see others' but I don't think I've ever seen any who has bothered trying to make me see the light. I've given countless 'benefit of the doubts' and I'm tired of coming up with excuses and reasons to defend your wrongdoings.

It's not fair to me because I am not the monster.

You were my conscience

So solid, now you're like water
And we started drowning

Not like we'd sink any farther
But I let my heart go

It's somewhere down at the bottom
But I'll get a new one

And come back for the hope that you've stolen

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world
From turning into a monster and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?
Well now that you're gone, the world is ours

I'm only human

I've got a skeleton in me
But I'm not the villain

Despite what you're always preaching
Call me a traitor

I'm just collecting your victims
And they're getting stronger
I hear them calling

(I hear them calling)

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world
From turning into a monster and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?
Well now that you're gone, the world is ours

Well you find your strength in solutions
But I liked the tension
And not always knowing the answers
But you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world
From turning into a monster and eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?
Well now that you're gone, the world

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world
From turning into a monster, eating us alive
Don't you ever wonder how we survive?
Now that you're gone, the world is ours

Monster by Paramore.

Soldier's Poem

2011-09-08T03:00:00.000+08:00

A soldier's poem.

Throw it all away, let's lose ourselves
'Cause there's no one left for us to blame
It's a shame, we're all dying
And do you think you deserve your freedom?

How could you send us so far away from home?
When you know damn well that this is wrong
I would still lay down my life for you
And do you think you deserve your freedom?
No, I don't think you do

There's no justice in the world
There's no justice in the world
And there never was

Soldier's Poem by Muse.

Just Tonight...

2011-09-07T05:15:00.002+08:00

Never again, just tonight. Ok?

I was scared but once I thought about, I let it go
Everything she said to me I guess I oughta know
We're all tired of talk when it comes to shove
Put up, put out or stay at home

We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
I'd give you anything but you want pain
A little water please
I taste you all over my teeth
Never again
Just tonight, ok

All at once the music stopped, the feeling went away
An ugly picture me and you, but nothing I can change
You know what happens with the lights back on
The less you know the more you want
And you want, you want

We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
I'd give you anything but you want pain
A little water please
I taste you all over my teeth
Never again
Just tonight, ok

We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
I'd give you anything but you want pain
A little water please
I taste you all over my teeth
Never again
Just tonight, ok

We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
I'd give you anything but you want pain
A little water please
I taste you all over my teeth
Never again
Just tonight, ok

We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
We'll never be the same
Never feel this way again
Never again
Just tonight, ok

Just Tonight... by Jimmy Eat World.

Free Fallin'

2011-09-05T02:14:00.002+08:00

Now I'm free, free fallin'.

She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too

It's a long day living in Reseda
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard
And I'm a bad boy 'cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breaking her heart

And I'm free, free fallin', fallin'
And I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

All the vampires walkin' through the valley
Move west down Ventura Boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts

And I'm free, free fallin', fallin'
Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'
Free fallin' now I'm, free fallin' now I'm
Free fallin' now I'm, free fallin' now I'm
Free fallin' now I'm, free fallin' now I'm
Free fallin' now I'm, free fallin'

I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
I wanna free fall out into nothin'
Oh I'm gonna leave this world for a while

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'
Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'
Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'
Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'

Free Fallin' originally by Tom Petty as performed by John Mayer.

What's My Age Again?

2011-09-04T01:06:00.004+08:00

I'm 20, a year away from being handed the key to adulthood. Often, I ask myself whether I'm ready for that responsibility. I mean, this is it. This is the moment you've always worked so hard for in school.

Yes, and no.

To people double my age, I am still a kid. Immature and frail. Prone to making silly mistakes. Attention-seeking and irresponsible. Too trusting, happy-go-lucky as if not caring about the future.

They're right, I still am young and naive. I've yet too see the ugliness of the world. Always believing in the good of humanity. I care about how I look and how people perceive me to be. I care about being 'cool' or at least, not being labelled in the 'loser' category.

To my peers, I am an old man stuck in a teenager's body. Anal about the most ridiculous of fine details. Too serious and unwilling to compromise my personal values. Too business-minded and doesn't indulge in doing 'fun things' kids my age do. Too careful and afraid to take risks.

They're right too, even I feel like I don't belong in my age group most of the times. I avoid social gatherings with people I hardly know, let alone strangers. I'm always behind the trend and never once a part of the cool kids group. I'm like a parent always reminding, nagging, correcting and monitoring their every moves.

Either I am just hanging out with the wrong crowd or it's the generation gaps, I don't know for sure. Or maybe it's just the different upbringing and choice of lifestyle. It could even be a clash of personalities and interests.

So what am I exactly?

I guess I'm still in the transition stage of figuring out who I really am. In an ideal setting, I'd want people to acknowledge both sides, come to a mid-point and letting that mid-point define me.

But people only see what they want to see. There's only so very few who could see past their pair of eyes.

I should really act my age but really, what's my age again?

I took her out it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
I'm still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops and your husband's in jail
This state looks down on sodomy

And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody loves you when your 23
I'm still more amused by prank phone calls
What the hell is caller ID?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody loves you when your 23
And you still act like you're in Freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

That's about the time she broke up with me (please stay)
No one should take themselves so seriously (with me, please stay)
With many years ahead to fall in line (with me, please stay)
Why would you wish that on me? (with me)
I never want to act my age (please stay)
What's my age again? (with)
What's my age again? (me)

What's my age again?

What's My Age Again? by Blink 182.

Forget And Not Slow Down

2011-08-30T04:05:00.000+08:00

Note to self: forget and now slow down.

How many times
Can I push it aside
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
So they leave me alone
Move on with my life
Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind
'Cause it'll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind
I'll watch the glint in my eye
Shine off the spring in my step
And could be blinding depending on the amount of you that I reflect

'Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands
Pour over me and wash my hands

'Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I cannot accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect, resurrect
Pour over me and wash my hands
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

Forget And Not Slow Down by Relient K feat. Tim Skipper.

Never Be What You Want

2011-08-20T04:22:00.001+08:00

Opposites attract, like the poles of a magnet. One will make up for whatever the other lacks and complement each other. Together, they've got one another's backs and they help the other to understand the different points of views in life. That way, both parties win and they create a bond so strong that they cannot be separated. They need the other in order to survive. They depend on the other's strengths to cover up their own weaknesses.

Theoretically, it's supposed to work.

But life's not that simple is it?

The answers to life's burning questions aren't found in textbooks and theories. The rules created are merely a guiding hand while we act as the other hand, applying the amount of force we feel we should give so as to move that ball. The more force we put in, the further it'll go. The more effort we put in, the better the outcome. The more practice we undergo, the more accurate our passes will be.

So when one keeps trying without any success, when do you decide to throw the towel? What if you were never that good to begin with, you were just not born with that ability. What do you do? Keep going at it or give it up?

This doesn't even make sense anymore.

Am probably not any good at this either.

I will never be what you want, so why do I even bother?

I remember the nights we spent under city lights
This feeling's got the best of me
We were floating along to the sounds of a dead end town
But now that's just a memory

I can't figure you out, you've got more fight in you
Than anybody else
And here's the part where I start to make my own damn decisions
And make a name for myself

I'll never be what you want
I wouldn't change any part of me
Just to make you stay
You had a piece of my heart
But not enough to just run away
'Cause I know what's best for me

Take all your big plans and throw them away
I've got something in mind before we go separate ways
We ask the questions baby
Who provides the answers?
I'm scared to death and it shows
The flame burned out but it glows
And the look in your eyes says things I don't wanna know
It's time to go, come closer
And I can't say anything, everything comes out the wrong way

I'll never be what you want
I wouldn't change any part of me
Just to make you stay
You had a piece of my heart
But not enough to just run away
'Cause I know what's best for me

Just try, just try a little harder
I'll do my best explaining all the things I'm going through
Just try, just try a little harder
This is why I can't adjust for you

You can't stay
The look in your eyes says things I don't wanna know
No you, you can't stay

I wanna be with you and no one else
I need you to feel the way that you felt that summer night
When you found that puzzle piece missing for eight straight weeks

You're not the perfect fit

I'll never be what you want
I wouldn't change any part of me
Just to make you stay
You had a piece of my heart
But not enough to just run away
'Cause I know what's best for me

Never Be What You Want by We Are The In Crowd.

She Is Love

2011-08-13T22:14:00.001+08:00

I've always believed that once I've a girl in the cross hair, she takes centre stage. She will rule my world and I will then create the constellations in my galaxy to align with hers. I will move mountains and give her the moon if she wants it but I realised just how wrong my approach is.

Why should I let someone else replace the throne, more importantly my throne. Before you dismiss me as a self-centered egoistical bastard, I have my reasons.

It's all about equality. If I were to change my whole life just to fit in with her lifestyle, then it's not a fair trade off is it? Sure she might be the one person that makes me truly happy by why do I have to sacrifice everything just for her? If I make her queen then what does that make me? A slave? Same goes for her, I don't expect her to treat me like a king and she, a servant (though she making me a sandwich would be nice). The only way to even things out is that we both end up as king and queen and as slaves. This means that we're entitled to be treated as royalties and slaves. So I don't really have to ask or force her to make me a sandwich, she'll want to make me one. In return, I'll get her flowers not because she asked for it but because I want to.

Many a times, we tend to ask for more from your other halves because we are willing to do that much for them but is there really a relationship where both sides are contributing equally? In an ideal world it definitely sounds easy enough but the reality is a stark contrast to what we imagine relationships to be like. Our gestures are unquantifiable and that's what makes it really difficult to keep score. The little things we do that the other person might not even realise as a big sacrifice on our part.

We can only invest in all of these acts of love hoping that the other would appreciate or at least acknowledge it. If he/she does, then he/she is a real keeper.

My whole life I've been focusing on the wrong thing. So what should take centre stage you ask? It's not about her, neither is it about me. It's the relationship itself that should take priority.

You do all these crazy things because you love that special someone and you can't imagine a life without him/her. But it's not just so you can make her happy, it's so she can be happy with you which ultimately makes you happy. In the end, it is your own happiness at stake.

And that's why it's called a relationship because it is that bond between two people that matters. How they depend and rely on each other. How they share each other's happiness. How they feed off each other's energy. How they complete the missing piece in each other's hearts.

At the end of the day, it is these moments they have with each other, the bond they've created and the memories they've shared together.

You don't do it for him/her, you do it for the love you have for each other.

And she isn't love.

Ive been beaten down
Ive been kicked around
But she takes it all for me
And I lost my faith
In my darkest days
But she makes me want to believe

They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love
She's all I need

Well, I had my ways
They were all in vain
And she waited patiently
It was all the same
All my pride and shame
She put me on my feet

They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love

They call her love, love, love, love, love
She is love
And she is all I need

And when the world slows down deep
And when those stars burn out here
Oh, she'll be there
Yes she'll be there

They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love
They call her love, love, love, love, love

She is love
And she is all I need
She is love
And she is all I need
She is love
And she is all I need

She's all I need

She Is Love by Parachute.

Tell Me I'm A Wreck

2011-08-11T02:54:00.001+08:00

There has to be a reason why I've only been in a relationship twice since I descended unto earth 20 years ago.

There has to be a reason why those two relationships didn't last past a month each.

There has to be a reason why I have so little friends whom I can really count on.

There has to be a reason why I feel so insignificant all the time.

There has to be a reason why everything I do never go as planned.

There has to be reason why I'm always left behind while everybody's moving forward.

There has to be a reason why people treat me like they do, like I'm not even there.

And then I thought, is there something wrong with me?

No, this is not a suicidal note or a confession of my battle with depression (although I do suspect that I just might).

Just a thought.

If you do agree, please let me know. I accept anonymous response too. Tell me what's wrong with me and what I should/can do to fix it and better myself.

Tell me, I'm a wreck.

I could have been easier on you
I could have been all you held onto
I know I wasn't fair, I tried my best to care about you
I know I could have been a better man
But I always had to have the upper hand
I'm struggling to see the better side of me
But I can't take all your jabs and taunts
You're pointing out my every fault
And you wonder why I walked away

When you tell me I'm a wreck
You say that I'm a mess
How could you expect anything less?
You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along
I told you when you asked
I knew this wouldn't last
At least I could be honest about that
And now you're telling everyone
How I only did you wrong
I guess you never knew me at all

Remember on my 21st birthday
You took me where we went on our first date
We stayed till closing time, after 4 glasses of wine
You started with a pointless argument
You said that I forgot to compliment
The dress you wore that night
That I've seen a thousand times
But I think we just want different things
I want space, you want a diamond ring
Whatever made you think we were meant to be?

When you tell me I'm a wreck
You say that I'm a mess
How could you expect anything less?
You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along
I told you when you asked
I knew this wouldn't last
At least I could be honest about that
And now you're telling everyone
How I only did you wrong
I guess you never knew me at all

You tell me I'm a wreck
You say that I'm a mess
How could you expect anything less?
When you tell me I'm a wreck
You say that I'm a mess
How could you expect anything less?
You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along
I told you when you asked
I knew this wouldn't last
At least I could be honest about that
And now you're telling everyone
How I only did you wrong
Still I see you standing there
Waiting 'round for me to fall
Girl you must be crazy
Still believing you and me belong
I guess you never knew me at all

Tell Me I'm A Wreck by Every Avenue.

Umbrella Beach

2011-08-06T04:46:00.000+08:00

We hit the Coromandel next and we spent a night at the beach town of Whitianga. The beaches were pretty much empty since it's winter and we were extremely lucky to have had good weather the next morning for us to take a boat to see the breathtaking scenery such as

the Cathedral Cove, Shakespeare Cliff and the Champagne Bay (The Chronicles of Narnia were shot here).

Sadly we didn't get to experience the Hot Water Beach nor the visit the Lord of The Rings locations in the South Island because my brother started school the second week we were there so these are the snapshots taken from Coromandel/Whitianga. Hopefully I can come back again to this part of town the next time around, except this time it'll be during the summer so the weather would be more co-operative. Until then I'll see you umbrella beach.

Stands and gears, oh how the daisies bloom
When chandeliers light up the engine room
Can you feel the drops as it starts to rain
There's an underwater Ferris wheel

Where I found the missing link to this island chain

Home will always be here, unseen, outta sight
Where I disappear and hide
I think dreamy things as I'm waving goodbye
So I'll spread out my wings and fly

Home is a boxcar and it's so far out of reach
Hidden under umbrella beach

Home will always be here, unseen, outta sight
Where I disappear and hide
I think dreamy things as I'm waving goodbye
So I'll spread out my wings and fly
I'll spread my wings and fly

Home is a boxcar and it's so far out of reach
Hidden under umbrella beach

Umbrella Beach by Owl City.

State To State

2011-08-04T21:08:00.001+08:00

I am also fortunate to have been able to take a well-deserved 2 week vacation to New Zealand to sightsee and visit my brother. It was a trip of many firsts as I've never been on a proper vacation (Malaysia doesn't count because it's so near and Bali doesn't count either because it's technically still Indonesia), first time out of Southeast Asia, first time on a plane for more than 2 hours, first time experiencing winter and that's just the beginning.

We had accommodation in my brother's hostel which is pretty much beside the busiest part of Auckland Central so getting around the area was pretty easy. The weather was amazing but the constant winds made it even more chilly than it already was.

We spent the first week travelling around the North island, first to Rotorua where I conquered the Zorb and luged down a mountain twice which also meant riding the scary cable car back up twice.

Next we head to the capital city, Wellington, where we visited the University of Wellington, the Botanic Garden and the Museum of New Zealand where we saw a preserved giant squid (I still wonder how people can still eat calamari after that seeing that, I do not understand).

We headed back to Auckland for a day rest after spending 2 long nights attempting to sleep in all sorts of awkward and uncomfortable positions on the coach.

This marks the end of part 1 of my New Zealand trip update because Blogger's photo uploader refuses to co-operate with me and it keeps deleting the pictures I uploaded before whenever I upload new ones (please fix the glitch Blogger, I have been a loyal supporter but I am not afraid to jump ship unto Tumblr permanently).

So they say, to stay the same
But I don't know because this year, we'll change our ways
And everybody's going state to state

All I want to do is get away, oh yeah

And so they say, to stay the same
But I don't know because this year, we'll change our ways
And everybody's going state to state

All I want to do is get away

Well, does it show that I won't go

In the direction expected of me
Expect me to leave this place

We're not too young

Just run away now or we can stay (stay out)

Won't care about (their doubts, their doubts)
I'm falling head over heels for you every day

Maybe I can pack up, leave this behind

And get a loft on the left west coast
And maybe you can pick out a place of anywhere

And baby that's where we can go

Well, does it show that I won't go

In the direction expected of me
Expect me to leave this place

We're not too young

Just run away now or we can stay (stay out)

Won't care about (their doubts, their doubts)
I'm falling head over heels for you every day

We're not too young

Just run away now or we can stay (stay out)

Won't care about (their doubts, their doubts)
I'm falling head over heels for you every day

Just point to anywhere and that is where we'll be
We've got our lives ahead, that's no mystery
We're moving faster now and no one said it'd be easy
Maybe you'll take my hand and you'll come with me
I swear I'll give you anything that you might need
We're moving faster now and no one said it'd be easy

We're not too young

Just run away now or we can stay (stay out)

Won't care about (their doubts)
I'm falling head over heels for you every day

We're not too young

Just run away now or we can stay (stay out)

Won't care about (their doubts, their doubts)
I'm falling head over heels for you every day

Maybe you'll take my hand and you'll come with me
I swear I'll give you anything that you might need
We're moving faster now and no one said it'd be easy

State To State by The Goodnight Anthem.

Hush, We're Taking Over

2011-07-31T22:35:00.009+08:00

Words fail me in describing how July turned out so instead I'll let pictures summarise it for me. God knows this little space could make do with a little more colours and less words anyway.

We are The Summer State!

(All photos by Aloysius Lim - Photo Pit Access and Dawn Chua - Rewashedoak)

My band, The Summer State, played our first show at The Sweet Collision featuring Eyes Set To Kill and Mayday Parade. We were the opening band and I couldn't be prouder of how it went. Yes, we weren't flawless and for the first half of the set, we were a little too overeager but it's all part of the fun. No one in the world could have kept their adrenaline level in check when placed in our situation and we're no exception, especially with the 700-strong crowd chanting "Summer State! Summer State!" as we were about to go on stage. We were practically bouncing backstage to the rhythm of our racing hearts. Like I said, we weren't flawless but I wouldn't have wanted it to turn out any other way.

I've never been a fan of Eyes Set To Kill's music but they were amazing to watch. Their energy was tremendous despite only arriving hours before the showtime, their music was tight and I learnt much from watching them. I was a quite intimidated with them initially but they were really nice towards us and I couldn't be happier about being proven wrong.

We did get to hang a little with one of my high school heroes Mayday Parade and we even had a long chat with Jake Bundrick when he dropped by our dressing room before their set. To be honest, I couldn't quite believe just how incredibly down to earth they were. And after learning about their story, I have nothing but respect for them.

On stage, they were a sight to behold. In terms of stage presence, they were ace. They nailed every song with such nonchalance that I can't help my jaw from dropping. They are indeed one of the bands I hope the band can aspire to be especially their on stage antics. Everyone could tell how much fun they're having and how appreciative they were to be playing in a country so far away from theirs.

It was a really humbling experience and we are extremely honoured to have had the chance to open for Eyes Set To Kill and Mayday Parade. It was indeed a dream come true and worth every ounce of effort we put in prior to the show day.

Our new single "Hush, We're Taking Over" is available for free downloads on our Facebook Bandpage and Bandcamp. So what in the world are you waiting for?

I'll stop pretending like
This isn't affecting me from
Being who I'm supposed to be
And it sickens me to know that
You're still the one I think about when
Things don't get easy

Could you make this any clearer?
(Get my two feet off this ground)
Take me some place we both love
Could you make this any clearer?
(Get my two feet off this ground)
To spend eternity

(Just stay) right where you are
In the rearview of my heart
Let's take the wheel somewhere
(Somewhere) far away from here

Could you make this any clearer?
(Get my two feet off this ground)
Take me some place we both love
Could you make this any clearer?
To spend eternity

Hush, stay, don't go
Let's take this place over
Hush, stay, don't go
Let's take this place over

We're taking over
Take this place over

(The weight of the world)
It's getting colder, don't leave me hanging
'Cause I'm sick of these formalities, formalities
(So tell me can you take the weight of the world)
It's getting colder, don't leave me hanging
'Cause I'm sick of these formalities, formalities

Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh whoa
(Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh)
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh whoa
(Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh)
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh whoa
(Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh)
Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh whoa
(Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh oh)

Hush, We're Taking Over by The Summer State.

Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind)

2011-07-26T02:32:00.004+08:00

Right before we left, he said to me "just don't care so much".

Those words keep ringing in my head the entire journey home and right then, it hit me.

He was right.

He was absolutely right.

I mean, why should I?

I'm ready to go.

Oh, oh oh

You've got these little things
That you've been running from
You either love it or guess you don't
You're such a pretty thing
To be running from anyone
A vision with nowhere to go
So tell me right now
You think you're ready for it
I wanna know
Why you got me going
So let's go
We'll take it out of here
I think I'm ready to leave
I'm ready to live

I'm ready to go
Get me out of my mind
Get me out of my mind
I'm ready to go
Oh, oh oh

Oh, oh oh

You got these little things
You wanted something for them
You either get it or guess you won't
Well, it doesn't really mean
To get nothing from anyone
There's a million ways it could go
So tell me right now
You think you're ready for it
I wanna know
Why you got me going
So let's go
We'll take it out of here
I think I'm ready to leave
I'm ready to live

I'm ready to go
Get me out of my mind
Get me out of my mind
I'm ready to go
Oh, oh oh

Oh, oh oh

I think I'm ready

I think I know I'm ready

I know I think I'm ready

I think I know I'm ready

I know I think I'm ready

I think I know I'm ready

I know I think I'm ready

I think I know

I'm ready to go
Get me out
Get me out
I'm ready to go
Oh, oh oh

I'm ready to go
Get me out
Get me out
I'm ready to go
Oh, oh oh

I'm ready to go
Get me out
Get me out
I'm ready to go
Oh, oh oh

Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind) by Panix! At The Disco.

Jamie All Over

2011-06-26T20:55:00.004+08:00

When SavingSomeone disbanded, a part of me died along with it. It was as if the world I've worked so hard to built since it began had crumbled to the ground leaving nothing standing. I was left wandering around aimlessly, I was unsure about so many things.

In the end, I've decided to follow my heart and start a second music project with Bryan and Veek whom I recruited into SavingSomeone while it was at its prime. We wanted a fresh start to the band and since Shaykh (a classmate of Bryan and Veek) and Ryan Lopez (a friend of Bryan whom I also knew from church) was filling in as guitarist and vocalist respectively when 2 of SavingSomeone's core members left, we decided to rope them in to form The Summer State.

Even at this point, I was uncertain about the band's future. We faced an identity crisis and we had no direction. At one point, it didn't even feel like the band existed. Like relationships, it's hard to adapt to a new set of lifestyle or way of working with a different group of people and often we find ourselves comparing between the two.

Like a first love, everything that I recall about my first band was nothing but rose garden. It was simple, it was easy and there was absolutely no expectation. With The Summer State, there was pressure, mostly self-created. I guess we were afraid of making mistakes, which is a fair enough reason (that's what past experiences are for right?). But that prevented us from progressing, we were stuck in a rut that we somehow couldn't seem to get out of. It got to a point where I wanted to give it all up. It affected me so much that I broke down and no, it wasn't a very nice feeling. It just so happened that there were many other non-band-related incidents that made things worse so when push comes to shove, one can only take it for so long. I wasn't suicidal, but I considered seeing a psychiatrist in the hopes of curing my slump towards depression.

Yet for some reason, I held on.

Now look where we are? We are about to play the biggest show of our lives in front of the largest crowd we have ever played in front of. We are about open for Eyes Set To Kill and one of my heroes from back in the secondary school days, Mayday Parade. It doesn't get any bigger than this for a band that's playing our first official show in 10 days time. Again the pressure mounts but this time, the momentum isn't working against us. We are all focused and eager to put up the best show we can possibly come up with.

We are this close to making one this dream come true and we're taking this opportunity with gleefully with both hands. This is everything we've worked so hard for. The daily practice and the time and money invested to perfect our set and fine tune our sound have not come to waste. Starting tomorrow, we'll be spending even more in preparation for the show. It's not going to be easy and it'll be a test to the strength of this band. This is crunch time, we'll have to show our resilience and work for each other. At the end of the day, there's no other band I'd rather be in than the one I'm in. There's no one else I'd rather have the honour to share the stage with than with my band mates I'd rather have.

I had a dream last night we
Drove out to see Las Vegas
We lost ourselves in the bright lights
I wish you could have seen us
Begging for change to get home
Or at least San Francisco
Let's put a ten on the high card
And spend a summer on the west coast

Down and to the left
(Here's the map and the pen, the place you pointed at)
Be California's best
(It's all I ask, all I ask)

Please don't tell me that I'm dreaming
When all I ever wanted was to

Dream another sunset with you
If I roll over when it's over
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me
And wake up with the fondest memories

We made love by the ocean
As the waves crashed around you
Sunsets never were so bright
And the skies never so blue
You opened up into my arms
And we laughed as I held you
I'll never go back to Georgia
Not at least til I have to

Down and to the left
(Here's the map and the pen, the place you pointed at)
Be California's best
(It's all I ask, all I ask)

And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming
When all I ever wanted was to

Dream another sunset with you
If I roll over when it's over
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me
And wake up with the fondest memories
Memories

I had a dream last night we
Drove out to see Las Vegas
We lost ourselves in the bright lights

And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming
When all I ever wanted was to
Dream another sunset with you
If I roll over when it's over
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me
And wake up with the fondest memories

(We made love by the ocean
As the waves crashed around you)

Memories
(Sunsets never were so bright
And the skies never so blue)

Memories
(You opened up into my arms
And we laughed as I held you)

Memories

(I'll never go back to Georgia
Not at least til I have to)
Down and to the left

Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade.

So If You Try

2011-06-17T22:08:00.002+08:00

The fine line between not trying and trying too hard.

Come on little boy

Your crowd is waiting for you

On top of the world
But you've been contemplating how to disagree

With possibilities of who you choose to be
But you can't see what is real

So if you're trying

If you try to find your way home again

You'll be alone again

Come on little girl

Your family's stumbling

On top of the world
You've been contemplating how to disagree

With possibilities of who you choose to be
But you can't see what is real

So if you're trying
If you try to find your way home again
You'll be alone again and find your way out

So if you're trying
If you try to find your way home again
You'll be alone again and find your way out

It's not worth your time
It's not worth your time
It's not worth your time
It's not worth your time

It's not worth your time
It's not worth your time, time

So if you're trying
If you try to find your way home again
You'll be alone again and find your way out

So If You Try by New Atlantic.

Fader

2011-06-09T04:48:00.002+08:00

It's fading fader.

I'm in transit
Floating stranded on this boat
And I pledge myself allegiance
To a better night sleep at home

And the sweet, sweet sun's coming down
Hard, the sun's coming down
Hard, it burns the bones
So hold a hand for cover
Hold a hand for cover
Hold a hand for cover from harm

Talk don't change a thing
Oh, it's fading fader
Words don't sink, it swims
Oh, it's fading fader

Bless this mess
So we try our best for something we can do
While the angels walk with the lonely ones
In the cold rain and rescue you

And this fable world's coming down
Hard, walls coming down
Hard, in all our homes
So hold a hand for cover
Hold a hand for cover
Hold a hand for cover from harm

Talk don't change a thing
Oh, it's fading fader
Words don't sink, it swims
Oh, it's fading fader

Talk don't change a thing
Oh, it's fading fader
(I'm in transit)
Words don't sink, it swims
(Ah, sweet as a moment, be that it may)
Oh, it's fading fader

(I'm in transit)
Oh, it's fading fader
(Ah, sweet as a moment, be that it may)

Fader by The Temper Trap.

Annabelle

2011-05-25T02:23:00.000+08:00

Fine as hell but I might as well drop her like the rest.

Annabelle you think you're so damn special
But there's a million other girls like you
30 minutes and you say we're official
But I have got some news for you
I need a girl not a body with a complex
I got a heart and you got your lipstick
Fine as hell but I think I might as well drop Annabelle

(Drop Annabelle)

(Woo)
You stand it off just to dance alone

(Whoa oh)
I'm just in doubt cause I'm tired and I want to go home
You look the part but looks don't tell the truth
Whoa oh
Well, baby you're pretty but I'm pretty sure I'm over you

You can't even hold a normal conversation
But you can tell your friends I ruin your life
Whatever helps your perfect reputation
Cause I'm not losing sleep tonight
I met a girl and she's more than a pretty face
Six drinks and she still remembers my name
Fine as hell but I think I might as well drop Annabelle

(Annabelle)

You stand it off just to dance alone

(Whoa oh)
I'm just in doubt cause I'm tired and I want to go home
You look the part but looks dont tell the truth
Whoa oh
Well, baby you're pretty but I'm pretty sure I'm over you

Turn around
Turn around and walk away
I want out
I can't take another day
Even though she moves so well
Oh, I don't need a girl like Annabelle

You stand it off just to dance alone

(Whoa oh)
I'm just in doubt cause I'm tired and I want to go home
You look the part but looks don't tell the truth
Whoa oh
Well, baby you're pretty but I'm pretty sure I'm over you

You stand it off just to dance alone

(Whoa oh)
I'm just in doubt cause I'm tired and I want to go home
You look the part but looks don't tell the truth
Whoa oh
Well, baby you're pretty but I'm pretty sure I'm over you

And maybe she's pretty but I don't need a girl like Annabelle

Annabelle by A Rocket To The Moon.

Waiting Takes A Lifetime

2011-05-22T22:02:00.004+08:00

I've spent a lifetime waiting. My. Whole. Life. Waiting. For what?

Hello perfect stranger

(Where have you been?)

I'm lost with the light in your eyes

(Light in your eyes)

I know that you're the one to take this for granted
Would you give yourself up and

Follow me

(Into the future now)
And let me show you

(Something you won't let go of)
A perfect reason to keep me waiting here for you
There's something about you I just can’t figure out

I would never alter our design
I'm trying to reconsider our lives, our lives
It's time to see that our real dreams
Are made of secrets we've been keeping, keeping

Follow me

(Into the future now)
And let me show

(Something you won't let go of)
A perfect reason to keep me waiting here for you
There's something about you I just can't figure out

I know nothing about perfection
But I am certain that I am the one
I know nothing about perfection
But I am certain that I am the one

I know nothing about perfection
But I am certain that I am the one
I know nothing about perfection
But I am certain that I am the one

Waiting Takes A Lifetime by I Am The Pilot.

The Salesman, The Husband, The Lover

2011-05-18T02:58:00.000+08:00

After 20 years of living I have been in a relationship for a maximum duration of 2 months give or take. What does this mean? I'm not boyfriend material. Sad isn't it? The good thing is that I am able to pinpoint the reasons why. The downside is that those reasons are the important pillars in my foundation and therefore, I am reluctant to change them. I can, but I don't want to.

For one, I have a strong set of principles and values that I set in stone. When I make a stand on such issues, I make it a point to follow it through until the day I die or at least I decide to change them out of my own accord. Like my view on religion for example. Or clubbing. Or even seafood. Before you call me unreasonable, I am willing to compromise of course. But never to the extent of doing the exact opposite of whatever I believe in. So I guess to some extent, I am narrow-minded that way.

I am a relatively cautious person therefore no matter how spontaneous I get, I usually think before that spur-of-the-moment reaction. The degree and intensity of each thought varies of course, but usually it's enough for me to think twice, if not thrice before I respond. I find it impossible to just let go of every of my responsibilities, I've never reached that point of liberation where I forget about the whole world and everything around me. As you can probably tell from that statement, I've never gotten drunk. See, I'm cautious that way. I play it safe. Never drink more than you can tank. Don't even risk it. Boyfriends are supposed to be fun, carefree and adventurous so none of that description applies to me once I apply the cautious factor. That makes me a boring boyfriend. I like to plan things beforehand and make sure that I've got all bases covered.

I am notoriously shy and reserved, there's no way I can impress someone especially upon the first meeting because I get so jittery I don't really know what I'm saying half the time. My brain goes all crazy processing what will the best reply I can give but somehow I can never find good comebacks or response. That awkwardness shows a lack of confidence and yes, I do admit that I'm not a very confident person.

I guess this also makes me out as a person who isn't humorous? I'd like to think that I am a pretty witty person but then again, everyone thinks that of themselves. As for my case, my wit is often not meant for the masses. It's the kind of wit and humour that only those who get it will get it, as for the majority that don't well, that's just too bad.

I am not a bad boy and I never will be. There will always be a phase in every girl's life when they are attracted to a bad boy. The more bad reputation he achieves, the more of a turn-on his actions are. Usually these aforementioned species are born and blessed with good looks or charisma that makes girls swoon. They are also equipped with an aura that girls find alluring also known as the coolness factor. Thus, girls tend to try harder to get their attention each time they ignore their efforts whereas good guys like me who watched from the sidelines are only the listening ears to their miserable lives. We are their comforter and their pillar of support but nothing more. We are in the friends zone and that seems like the only place where we belong.

Having said all of the above, I am proud however to say that I am probably husband material.

Reason number one, I am a fiercely loyal and committed person. When I decide to do something, I dedicate all my energy into it. I give all I that I have to make it happen and you can be sure that marriage is not something I take lightly. If I ever get tied down, I'll shower her with so much love and spoil her because she will be the only person that matters to me. I know that she'll make me happy and I will do the same. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

An extended point from above will be the wife knowing that she'll never have to worry about me cheating or even thinking of being unfaithful. I'm disciplined enough to know what's wrong and I will never risk losing the love of my life for a moment of folly.

Also, the points I wrote above about me making a bad boyfriend, well most of them can be interpreted to be plus points that husbands have. For example, my principles and values, wouldn't be nice to know that I won't come home after a late night out smelling of cigarettes and/or drunk? It is also very unlikely for me to be an abusive husband since I'm such a peacemaker. It's far more likely that the world will end in 2012 than me laying a finger on the missus.

Seriously though, I have more class than resorting to violence. I am a rational human being, I believe in talking things out instead of having a screaming/shouting/yelling contest because everyone knows I'm gonna lose because I can't scream/shout/yell to save a life. Put me on the scariest roller-coaster ride if you don't believe me. There's really nothing that talking things out like sane human beings cannot solve as long as you have the intention of solving it. Then comes the humility, the compromise and the acceptance on both ends.

The part about my lack of spontaneity, well it'll nice to know that you'll have a safe environment to live in don't you? Family planning, housing expenditure, you name it, I would've gotten it all planned out so we won't bite off more than we can chew. I will prioritise accordingly to ensure that the financial situation of the household will be enough to cover the expenses. This also means no unnecessary fancy cars, having a car is solely for practical reasons. If we were to face challenges financially, I'm dependable enough to toil through the hard times even if it means sleeping on the floor.

As for my shyness, well if any of you watch I Love You, Man you'll understand it when I say that I'm a girlfriend/wife kind-of-a-guy. I have few friends that I normally hang with, the rest are merely acquaintances and people might see it as something but I don't think it is. It simply means that there's more than enough of me to go around my commitments without stretching myself thin. The wife wouldn't have to fight for attention with the others and if she does then she's probably more of a control-freak than I'll ever be putting a leash on me and my already almost non-existant social life.

I know for a fact that I respect people a lot. I believe that everyone is born and raised for a good reason and with good intentions, even the most evil people have got something in them to be respected about. It brings balance to the world. I'm pretty sure this will go down quite well with the in-laws (since every spouse seem to dislike their in-laws, vice-versa) knowing that I too have their interest at heart and that I will try to do what's best not just for me but for everyone.

In the end, a girl will want somebody they can count on and not someone who leaves her side in the morning or whenever she needs him the most. And that's what best friends do, they stick by each other through thick and thin. They accept him/her despite all his/her flaws and mistakes the he/she makes. And that's what I really want, a girl who is willing to be my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my wife, my everything. Because that's what I promise that I will be for her.

Baby boy had a big old heart
Large enough to tear apart
And split evenly in two
Evenly in two

Mom and dad had a rocky start
Too much head to little heart
Soon one turned into two
One, two

Dirty hands made separate beds
And folded sheets in which they slept
Oh, what's a boy to do?
What's a boy to do?

When daddy finds ten dollar whores
And liquor stores
Can offer more
Than his family
More than his friends
More than a woman that he wed

"Oh no. What a shameful seed I've sown."

Then one day daddy walked away
From his wife and child they had made
It must have been too much
It must have been too much

Mommy tried her best to pay
The bills so that her son could stay
In the house that he was raised
The sons fight the father's war

Love for his heels, he walked out the door

(The place where love grew too old)
Left his son to fight his war, left his son to fight his war

(Too old and broken to appraise)
You shadow, you ghost, look how crooked I've grown

(The place where love grew too old)
What a shameful seed you've sown

(Too old and broken)
What a seed you've sown

Court ordered visits meant

Weekends with his Dad
Where he learned his share of lessons

On how to drink like his old man
Back home his mother packed her bags

And their dreams that she watched drown
For a single room apartment

In the seedy part of town

Baby boy became the dad
(His family had always lacked)
A spitting image of the man
(Down to the way he turned his back)
He inherited his cheating

An heir to his drunken breath
His father willed him arrogance

And passed down his empty chest

Love for his heels, he walked out the door
(The place where love grew too old)
Left his son to fight his war, left his son to fight his war
(Too old and broken to appraise)
You shadow, you ghost, look how crooked I've grown
(The place where love grew too old)
What a shameful seed you've sown
(Too old and broken)
What a seed you've sown

"Be a lightbulb"
I'm a wishbone
"Be a rifle, a telephone"
I'm just here for you to use
I've got nothing left to lose
I'm the wardship battle
I'm the remains of precious metals

That weigh you both down
We are heavied, oh, so heavy
We are heavied, oh, so heavy

Love for his heels, he walked out the door
(The place where love grew too old)
Left his son to fight his war, left his son to fight his war
(Too old and broken to appraise)
You shadow, you ghost, look how crooked I've grown
(The place where love grew too old)
What a shameful seed you've sown
(Too old and broken)
What a seed you've sown

The Salesman, The Husband, The Lover by The Receiving End Of Sirens.

New American Classic

2011-05-07T03:13:00.003+08:00

We all knew this was going to happen anyway, it was so clearly written in the stars. I never knew where I stood but with each passing day, the answer was getting more and more obvious. I was never an option, what more is there to say? It's painful to take but I'll survive it, just like all the storms I've weathered my whole life. It's going to be a struggle but what other options do I have? Honestly, I've tried. I've given everything that I have. Everything. But I guess that's not enough. I'm stripped bare now. I have nothing more to give. I'm sorry.

New American classic.

"We've got to get better"
I said, "it's all in your head"
We could live through these letters
Or forget it all together
See the months they don't matter
It's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes

And I'm seconds away

Just ask the question
Come untie the knot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
Retrace the steps
As if we forgot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
You try to avoid it
But there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about

Well, all that we need
Is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for
When there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams

Is just a distraction
I want to remember when
I know I can't go back

Just ask the question
Come untie the knot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
Retrace the steps
As if we forgot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
You try to avoid it

(You try to avoid it)
But there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about

Just ask the question

(Just ask the question)
Come untie the knot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
Retrace the steps

(Retrace the steps)
As if we forgot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
You try to avoid it

(Try to avoid it)
But there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about

New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday.

Don't Want To Fall

2011-04-28T01:35:00.004+08:00

Because I don't want to fall, again.

This is a decision that I know full well I made
I remind myself as I'm walking up to your gate
Through the wire and diamonds I can see your shape
You're fumbling around with your keys

You say we can sit and stay

But I'm having trouble keeping up with you pleasantries

Don't you find them unsettling

Can we go walking

It's probably a good idea

Yeah, it's probably a good idea

'Cause I don't want to fall in love with you again
I'm so afraid, I'm capable of it
And after time I can't accept you're still the song on my breath
You're not easy to forget

Moving in rhythm, footsteps aligned
I'm doing okay 'til your arm brushes mine

And then I panic

I thought I figured it out but I'm taken aback
As we pass the closing stores and lit-up cafes
There are so many of them these days

So many strangers

They're walking around in our place, in our place.

And suddenly it's all unclear

Yeah, suddenly it's all unclear
Yeah, this probably was a bad idea

Yeah, this probably was a bad idea

'Cause I don't want to fall in love with you again
I'm so afraid I'm capable of it
And after time I can't accept you're still the song on my breath
You're not easy to forget

We used to own these streets

Head to head, you're spinning me
And now we say that we were young

And what we had has come and gone
We used to own these streets

Head to head, you're spinning me
Your back's against a concrete wall
Your body buzzing on the intercom

The intercom, the intercom, the intercom
We woke the neighbors, it's no wonder

They hate us on every single floor

Don't Want To Fall by The Narrative.

Hold On

2011-04-22T03:36:00.000+08:00

A dream will always remain a dream unless you work for it, that includes sacrificing the happy hours of your days to finish what you were supposed to.

Isn't that what our parents taught us back when we were younger? To finish our homework before we can watch the television or play video games. The reward after a hard day's work. The dangling carrot.

How are you going to grab hold of your dream when you decide to spend that time in the backseat? No one is going to hand it to you. If you want it badly enough, you will whatever it takes to make it happen.

It is after all your own journey. You drop the baggages that could potentially be a burden in your travels, they're only deadweights anyway. You make your way down to the streets with the destination marked 'X' on the little map you drew in one hand and a compass in the other. You survive on loose change, sleep on park benches and wrap yourself up in cardboard to keep yourself warm during the cold lonely nights. You beg, you borrow, you steal. Perhaps you'll meet some acquaintances along the way who decide to join in the struggle by choice. They'll have your back and you'll have theirs. Some will call it quits, others will stick it out until the very end.

So if you're not willing to slug it out through the tough times, you won't get to see that finish line.Only the bravest will last the distance and reap the fruits of their labour.

We are worth it, we can hold on.

Let's get to the point

And all take our tongues out
And not show off our scars

Not leave here with doubts that
Things in life (things in life)

Well, they could've been easier
And let's make sure we fought

For all that we leave with
And lessons we're taught

Make sure we believe them
And promises kept

All turn into secrets we'll keep to our graves
Get down on your knees when
You feel sure the path ahead is about to end
(You can never stop or you don't exist)
If you've walked your shoes away
Then just stop here awhile and just sit here with me and just
(Just stop here awhile)

Hold on
Tell me we'll hold on
To today

(To today)
To tonight

(To tonight)
To the morning
(To the morning)

And just hold on
Tell me we'll hold on
'Cause you feel

('Cause you feel)
'Cause you breathe

('Cause you breathe)
'Cause when hurting
We are worth it
We can hold on

And we've all seen the road
That we all walked to get here
It's lined with the stones that we cast in our youth
May they glow like a coal
And keep passion inside us
Reminding though young and in love we're all fools
But the time that we spent
In arms and in longing
Can rewrite the pages our fathers left here
From a passage of hope and an act of conviction
To letters unsigned and unsent out of fear

You're so sure the path ahead is about to end
Will you throw this all away
Or keep pace with a stride that stays even with mine
And we'll

Tell me we'll hold on

Tell me we'll hold on
'Cause you feel
'Cause you breathe
'Cause when hurting
We are worth it
We can hold on

Hold On by Go Radio.

Something Worth Knowing

2011-04-19T04:46:00.000+08:00

Aren't we all just pursuing for something worth knowing?

Lately I've been

Doing some thinking
I guess that it's small like the last couple years
I never would guess

All that it's taught me
And I can't believe that it's brought me here
I'm happy that you

Know where you're going
I wish I could say of myself that was true
We both pursue

Something worth knowing
But I may not end with the same thing as you

Wasn't there something you wanted to say
About all the things that could get in our way
If I am a martyr, will you be my flame

If it's all the same

I'm counting the days

And counting the dollars
Wondering how much I'm willing to spend
To make us believe

That this is important
There's only so long that I can pretend

Wasn't there something that you wanted to say
About all the things that could get in our way
If I am a martyr will you be my flame

If it's all the same
If it's all the same

You could write me a letter
You're not the only one

You're not the only one
If feels the way that you do

'Cause I feel it too

Wasn't there something that you wanted to say
About all the things that could get in our way
If I am a martyr, will you be my flame

If it's all the same

Wasn't there something that you wanted to say
About all the things that could get in our way
If I am a martyr, will you be my flame

If it's all the same

Something Worth Knowing by Sherwood.

The Lost One

2011-04-17T06:44:00.000+08:00

The lost one.

I've been wandering the streets
I've got no place to go

Yeah, turning corner after corner lately
Now I'm as lonely as a ghost
Desolate, unknown
Yeah, yeah, I'm the lost one

Last time I was facing down
Never thought I'd be home again
Never thought I'd be home
Yeah, I've been dying to move on
It's kind of hard when you've got no one
It's kind of hard on your own

God you've been wondering the streets
Do you wonder where I've gone,

Yeah, I was hoping that you won't forget me
My heart beats, sk-sk-skipping like a stone
Afraid of the unknown
Yeah, my darling, my lost one

Last time I was facing down
Never thought I'd be home again
Never thought I'd be home
Yeah, I've been dying to move on
It's kind of hard when you've got no one
It's kind of hard on your own

Yeah, my heart's beating
Look at all the people in the mud who keep believing
That our lives are permanent, yeah
You're the only thing that keeps me breathing
We're lost, a subtle crush that's blowing in the wind
Yeah, never settling

Last time I was facing down
Never thought I'd be home again
Never thought I'd be home
Yeah I've been dying to move on
It's kind of hard when you've got no one
It's kind of hard on your own

Lost One by Great Big Planes.

There Could Be Nothing After This

2011-04-04T07:03:00.004+08:00

Nothing is happening. That's what frustrates me. I'm stuck. I can't move forward, neither can I go back. I'm nowhere. It's particularly demotivating because you pin all your hopes on your dream and you can't chase it because of circumstances that's beyond your control. When you lose your only constant, you have nothing left to hold on to. No reason to fight.

Then you start to question how much you are willing to continue giving without getting anything in return. People say to do what you do out of love.

If there's one thing in this world that I believe in, it is love. Nothing else.

And then I question that belief. Where has love gotten me? I've poured my heart out for the people I care about. I'm running on empty.

I have nothing to look forward to. It's difficult to stay hopeful through these hard times.

After all, there could still be nothing after this.

In the end we tend to

Think of how it began
I could never explain
The picture painted and how it made me feel

Now the ceiling is in motion
The light centered and overlooked
You want me to see me disappear?

Well so do I, well so do I

Such a quiet evaporation

We're nothing but hollow vessels
In search of what makes us alive
I never said this was my revolution
When you looked me in the eye

Oh, how I've walked this white line
So many times before
What a feeble attempt
Just to feel alive

This is for you and all your hopeless case
You never would, you never would
Leave me in your wish to fail every time
Every time I try

Every time you
Talk about it, talk about it
At least it makes you feel something
Inside

Who have I become?
Who have I become?
Oh God, everything, everything
All around me is crumbling at my feet
Everything, everything
All around me is crumbling at my feet

I stare, so delicate and ashamed
At the shell I've shed myself from
I stare, so delicate and ashamed

In the eyes, in the eyes of my ghost

(This is for you and your hopeless case)
In the eyes, in the eyes of my ghost

(This is for you and your hopeless case)

Well, I would never look back
Well, I would never
Well, I would never look back
Again

There Could Be Nothing After This by Underoath.

Stay Away

2011-03-30T03:14:00.002+08:00

Stay away.

Something isn't right
I'm losing faith in everything I know
What do I know?
You told me I should fight
Not be self destructive thinking I should go
What do I know?

Stay away from me
I need you too badly
And it's tearing me apart
Won't you stay a part of me?
I need you too badly
I need you too badly
I need you too badly

I wrote this song tonight
Just to feel like I was not alone
But I am alone
I don't have the right to ask for your
Forgiveness on the phone
'Cause I am alone

Stay away from me
I need you too badly
And it's tearing me apart
Won't you stay a part of me?
I need you too badly
I need you too badly
I need you too badly

This feelings never ending
And I can't keep pretending
That it's you I want
That it's you
I'm not okay
I'm not okay

Stay away from me
I need you too badly
And it's tearing me apart
Won't you stay a part of me?
I need you too badly
I need you too badly
I need you too badly

Stay Away by Secondhand Serenade.

Where Dreams Go To Die

2011-03-24T09:03:00.003+08:00

Society has degraded. To what extent you ask? There's political unrest and chaos in the Middle East, there's tragedy in Japan and the only thing on everyone's lips seems to be Rebecca Black's Friday.

Based on the interviews she's done on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Good Morning America, she doesn't come across as the spoilt arrogant bitches who brag and whine (hello Super Sweet 16). Let's be honest, she doesn't have the pipes of Christina Aguilera and neither does she have the looks of Emma Watson. She's just an ordinary tween who wants to be cool or popular, and come on didn't we all use to want all the same thing when we were in high school?

Let's see some of the points of arguments brought up.

Her voice was auto-tuned - So what? Countless artistes auto-tune their voice to make them pitch perfect, you don't seem to flame them. A lot of them don't deserve that amount of success either because they act like divas and jerks.

She can't act - Try acting in front of a green screen and you'll know how awkward it is. I doubt she had acting experience prior to the video shoot so that's double the awkwardness. Lastly, not everyone can act, that's why we know the difference between an A-list actors from the Z-list actors.

The lyrics are ridiculous - She didn't write the song herself so spare her. Besides, when you are 13 you probably wrote the same ridiculous crap of a lyrics that is so cheesy that you cringe just by thinking about it. You'll be too embarrassed and ashamed to even admit that it existed. Been there, done that and mind you, I was probably 15 or 16 when I wrote my first song. It was terrible.

Everybody makes mistakes, we were all young and stupid once. We were naive and gullible. She's just like everyone of us.

We live in a world that's starved for attention and obsessed with superstardom. Truth is not everyone can be a superstar, but is it so wrong to try? The platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Myspace, you name it) are there for us to manipulate and express ourselves, make full use of it.

What's so wrong about pursuing one's dreams? Besides isn't that what everyone tells us to do when we were kids, to chase our dreams? We only realise much later in life that we're not good enough. For some of us, we continue chasing that dream until we reached a certain age where the cruelty of reality bites us and forced us to find a job, any job just so we could pay the bills at the end of the month. So we gave up our dreams. For the lucky few, we find other thing that we're good, if not better at and we pursue those new dream instead without looking back.

At least she's trying to make her dream a reality rather than sitting around and waiting for a genie to appear out of a magical lamp to grant her 3 wishes. She might not be the most talented in the field but she's doing what she can to get as close as possible to her dream like Confucius says "If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot."

I don't envy the position she's in though. All the negativity towards her will probably make me really depressed and seek psychological help. Despite all the adversities, she continues to keep her chin up and continues chasing after her dream. Good for her and for that I salute her. What she'll soon realise is that high school is where dreams go to die.

You breath hangs in the air
It's freezing but the bus ain't there
You're wishing for someone to stop this
Back in class again
You feel just like an empty pen
Loss for words and void of purpose

They cornered you, there's nowhere to get out
How, how?

They'll try to convince you
And tell you that they're right
They'll break you and beat you
And steal away your life
And tell you that you're nothing

And they'll never get it right
But high school's the place where dreams go to die

Teacher thinks you're rude
Says "I don't like your attitude"
Well maybe you're just condescending
But bring us up to follow rules
And throw us all in cubicles
But we're not gonna sit by idle

We're getting out, we're gonna find our way
Hey, hey

They'll try to convince you
And tell you that they're right
They'll break you and beat you
And steal away your life.
And tell you that you're nothing

And they'll never get it right
But high school's the place where dreams go to die

We'll be more than they'll ever be
Just bitter from their own failed dreams
They're desperate and do anything to bring you down
We'll do more than they ever did
Talk down to some poor old kid
We are the ones, the ones who made it

They'll try to convince you
And tell you that they're right
They'll break you and beat you
And steal away your life
And tell you that you're nothing

And they'll never get it right
But high school's the place where dreams
But high school's the place where dreams
But high school's the place where dreams go to die

Where Dreams Go To Die by The Downtown Fiction.

You're Not Mine

2011-03-21T23:23:00.003+08:00

That night felt right, it felt real but you're not mine and I know it.

So I've stayed up through the past few nights
And over time I have realised
That after all of the time that I gave and I gave
It never kept you awake but it pushed me to stay right here
And wait around for you
Just wait right here

I'll be back for you
And I have lost my chance
To give this my best

You're not mine and I know it
But that night I couldn't hold it in
Because I feel just right
When you're standing next to me

I've got these perfect pictures in my head

Of possibility
It was the words you whispered then
They led me to believe
You led me to believe

You're not mine and I know it
But that night I couldn't hold it in
Because I feel just right
When you're standing next to me

And I've thought about this night and day
And oh, I wish that you could stay with me
And hide inside the summer heat

And I could get better
And I could give more (whoa oh)
And I can be better

Than you've had before (whoa oh)

You're not mine and I know it
But that night I couldn't hold it in
Because I feel just right
When you're standing next to me
(When you're standing next to me)

I've thought about this night and day
And oh, I wish that you could stay with me
And hide inside the summer heat

Green leaves to gold
(I'll wait inside the summer heat)
And autumn blows
(I'll wait inside the summer heat)
cold air outside of your window
(I'll wait inside the summer heat)

You're Not Mine by The Morning Light.

Keep The Change, You Filthy Animal

2011-03-20T03:45:00.003+08:00

Keep the change, you filthy animal.

Are you having trouble finding sleep at night
Or does your lack of conscience tell you everything's alright
I trust your good intentions that you're watching over friends
But you must think that I'm crazy if I don't see through that grin

So tell me what your best friend knows that I don't know
Tell me why you talk me down wherever you go
You're a saint, you're a queen
And I'm just another boy without a crown
Tell me why you sell me out, everywhere you go

I just want to know what your best friend knows

(What your best friend knows)

So vindictive, you'll say anything you like
The smile you fake, the steps you take you know you never could get it right
And talk is cheap so make believe, your secrets find the grave
It's too late, you gave up your last chance to walk away

So tell me what your best friend knows that I don't know
Tell me why you talk me down wherever you go
You're a saint, you're a queen
And I'm just another boy without a crown
Tell me why you sell me out, everywhere you go
I just want to know what your best friend knows

You stand a little too tall, say a little too much
You're gonna bite that know-it-all tongue
You tried a little too hard, now I'm calling that bluff
Big plans are coming undone
That's just typical, you're so cynical

Couldn't have me, I didn't want you
You're selling me out, to the girl I can't afford to lose

You stand a little too tall, say a little too much
You're gonna bite that know-it-all tongue
You tried a little too hard, now I'm calling that bluff
Big plans are coming undone
That's just typical, you're so cynical

Couldn't have me, I didn't want you, you set yourself up to lose

So tell me what your best friend knows that I don't know
Tell me why you talk me down wherever you go
You're a saint, you're a queen
And I'm just another boy without a crown
Tell me why you sell me out, everywhere you go
I just want to know what your best friend knows

What your best friend knows
I'm never gonna let this go

(What your best friend knows)
What your best friend knows

Keep The Change, You Filthy Animal by All Time Low.

Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia)

2011-03-18T05:54:00.002+08:00

For the times when everyone lets you down and you've only got yourself to rely on. Be your own spotlight.

Every word's a new regret if you say it right, right
Every wound can be forgotten in the right light
Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore
'Cause the salad days are over and the meat is at my door

They might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like, you like, you like
'Cause they might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight

Depression is a little bit like happy hour, right?
It's always gotta be happening somewhere on any (any) given (given) night
Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore
I just hope, my perfect stranger, that my kids look more like yours

'Cause they might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo, a-yo, a-yo)

You could be your own spotlight

'Cause I had a little bit of bad luck

(Shine the light on me, shine the light on me)
No wonder this crumbling world's stuck
(Shine the light on me, shine the light on me)
A little sweetness keeps just out of reach
(Shine the light on me, shine the light on me)
'Cause compassion is something that they just don't, just don't teach, teach
(Shine the light on me, shine the light on me)

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own, be your own (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so
Shine so, shine so, shine so
Spotlight, spotlight, spotlight, spotlight
Spotlight
You could be the star, you could shine so bright

You could be your own spotlight

Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) by Patrick Stump.

Silhouette

2011-03-17T03:47:00.004+08:00

I am just a silhouette to you.

I know you won't admit this
I am just a silhouette to you
You found comfort with my distance
But you never let me stray out of your view

Who really needs the past
With the allure of something new
So we split apart at last
Went back to places that I knew
Before you

And you never have to see
The light that wraps itself around me
And I'll never have to know
The faces and
The places you'll go
(That you'll go)

(That you'll go)
(That you'll go)

(That you'll go)

When I can't bear the resistance
I bend in shapes in ways I never knew
So I'll try to postpone my existence
Yeah, I'll stop or start my heart if you ask me to
I'll stop my heart and then I'll wait for you

I was sure I never would be sure we were in love
(Although it's dark and black)
I am sure I never will be sure of love to come
(There is one thing left to hold on to)
After you

And you never have to see
The light that wraps itself around me
And I'll never have to know
The faces and
The places you'll go
(That you'll go)

(That you'll go)

(That you'll go)

No matter what, you'll always see
The outline that is left from me

So hold him tightly to your eyes
(That you'll go)
And pull the wool over your eyes
(That you'll go)
No matter what, you'll always see
The outline that is left from me

So hold him tightly to your eyes
(That you'll go)
And pull the wool over your eyes
(That you'll go)
No matter what, you'll always see
The outline that is left from me

Silhouette by Swimming With Dolphins feat. Breanne Düren.

That Awful Memory Of Yours

2011-03-07T23:53:00.006+08:00

You know how it is when we first experienced something with someone and it's forever etched in your memory bank? It could be a place you ventured out with someone, a particular item which the person liked or disliked and the list goes on. It's like somehow the attachment is so strong and significant that it's hard to dislodge the old memory in place of a new one. You keep trying and trying to replace them but it's so difficult to because nothing else comes close to what you felt at that particular point in your life. It just doesn't feel right to overwrite those memories even though you want to and probably have to.

I think that's why I try to lead such a routine life. I'm afraid that replacing those memories will somehow make me forget my roots and how I grew up to be who I am.

1. Parkway Parade's Pastamania and corridors.

2. East Coast Park bench and sandy shore.

3. Queensway Shopping Centre and laksa.

4. Kembangan Mrt and Eclipse mints.

5. Wheelock Place's Borders and Cedele.

6. Cineleisure's Long John's Silver which is no longer there.

7. Plaza Singapura's Chippy's and Sinema Old School.

8. Beat Merchants's room 4.

9. My neighbourhood playground.

10. Swings.

11. Random barbecue parties at my place.

12. Chijmes.

13. Playground at Siglap and hoodies.

14. Staybrover nights.

15. Terminal 3 arrival hall's TCC.

16. Circular Road's TCC.

17. Streetsoccer court at Damai.

18. 'Hokkaido'.

These are just a few of many and the list is growing by the day.

No, I'm not living in the past. I just think it's something nice to associate the little events/incidents/items with the person you spent it with. Even the bad times. I guess in some way, each memory reminds me of how appreciative I should be to have had a chance to know these people in my lifetime. Regardless of what has happened, these important people played a part in shaping this boy up.

The awful memory of mine.

That awful memory of yours
What blessing, what a curse
And all our confessing, forgotten every word we're saying
From the womb I heard my name
On your lips, it sounds the same
As the many times I've ignored it since that day

(That awful memory of yours)
I'll never make anyone happy that way
(What blessing, what a curse)
Telling all the mistakes that I've made
(And all our confessing, forgotten every word we're saying)
But I promise you I'll never be the same
Would you found me like a treasure
From a long forgotten time
And if you kept me here forever
You know I wouldn't mind

Welcome home
Oh, welcome home

You know that I'd embrace you
I was too ashamed to face you saying
Welcome home
Welcome home

You know I want you to be mine
You were patient, you were kind
You were patient, you were kind

That awful memory of yours
What a blessing, what a curse
Of our confessing, forgotten every word we're saying
From the womb I heard my name
On your lips, it sounds the same
As the many times I've ignored it since that day

Welcome home
Oh, welcome home
You know that I'd embrace you
I was too ashamed to face you saying
Welcome home
Welcome home

That Awful Memory Of Yours by Copeland.

Faking My Own Suicide

2011-03-05T00:46:00.005+08:00

I've always wondered how my funeral would be like. I know it's a pretty morbid thought to have but I do think about such things. Will there be tears? Laughter perhaps? More importantly, I'd like to find out who would be there to attend it. A close second would be finding out what these people thought of me through their little eulogies. I want to know the fondest memories each person has of me.

After all, I want to be remembered for something. Perhaps as a filial yet stubborn son. A dependable family man. A faithful lover like no other. A loyal friend and confidant. A respected somebody who contributed to the nation. An average Joe. The quiet classmate back in the days whom no one really knew. A failure in life. Just a guy who happens to live down the street.

Why am I so curious to find out? Well, simple. That is my legacy. The mark I've made in what little time I had on this planet. It's perhaps the last and most lasting memory that they have of how I led my life.

After all, people only realise how important something really is until it's gone.

Which begs the question, what if it happens right about now. What would I be remembered for? What is the legacy that I leave behind?

Faking my own suicide.

So, I've made up my mind
I will pretend

To leave this world behind
And in the end, you'll know I've lied
To get your attention
I'm faking my own suicide

I'm faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me
You just haven't realised
I'm faking my own suicide
They'll hold a double funeral
Because a part of you will die
Along with me

I wish you thought that I was dead
So rather than me

You'd be depressed instead
And before arriving at my grave
You'd come to the conclusion
You'd loved me all your days

But it's too late, too late for you to say

Because I'm faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me
You just haven't realised
I'm faking my own suicide
They'll hold a double funeral
Because a part of you will die
Along with me

I'll write you a letter that you'll keep
Reminding you your love for me

Is more than six feet deep
You say aloud that you would have been my wife
Right about that time

Is when I come back to life

And let you know, I'd let you know

That all along I was faking my own suicide
Because I know you loved me
You just never realised
I was faking my own suicide
I'll walk in that room

And see your eyes open so wide, open so wide
Because you know

Because you know you will never leave my sight
Until the day that I die for the first time
And we'll laugh, yeah we'll laugh
And we will cry
So overjoyed with our love that's so alive
Our love is so alive

Faking My Own Suicide by Relient K.

Waiting

2011-02-22T21:08:00.005+08:00

It feels like I'm waiting on a second chance.

There was a time where I fought my mind

'Cause the world left me behind
And I was running, I was running away
But my days turned into nights

Where we hide behind in lights
And we were running, we were running away
I turned these leaves and found new dreams
You're everything, everything to me

You were spinning around and felt my hand in the dark
With my feet off the ground I'm seeing the sparks
I've waited on a second chance (waited on a second chance)
And if you're feeling me now then let me know from the start
We don't have to come down 'til the world falls apart
I've waited on a second chance, I've waited

Now there's a part of me that stays

On the coast when I must leave
If I am running, if I am running away
You're the one, I hope you know

When I'm gone it starts to show
When I am running, when I am running away
I turned these leaves and found new dreams
You're everything, everything to me

You were spinning around and felt my hand in the dark
With my feet off the ground I'm seeing the sparks
I've waited on a second chance (waited on a second chance)
And if you're feeling me now then let me know from the start
We don't have to come down 'til the world falls apart
I've waited on a second chance, I've waited

You were spinning around and felt my hand in the dark
With my feet off the ground I'm seeing the sparks
I've waited on a second chance, I've waited

You were spinning around and felt my hand in the dark
With my feet off the ground I'm seeing the sparks
I've waited on a second chance (waited on a second chance)
And if you're feeling me now then let me know from the start
We don't have to come down 'til the world falls apart
I've waited on a second chance

I've waited on a second chance

Waiting by The Morning Of.

Contemplate

2011-02-20T00:22:00.004+08:00

That's why I contemplate.

Don't cry

Tears only lead you to paradise

Or otherwise

I'll try

And put all those troubles at the back of your mind

To leave behind

But what can I say

You made decision

Now who can undo

All those things he's done

Ninety straight degrees I walk away

And then I turn another 3 times and I come

I come back to you

If I crossed the line between you and I

It's alright for me, but is it right for you?

That's why I contemplate leaving you

Now I know

It feels like the world's spinning all around

When you're lying still

But there's too much

In your head babe

I can't make you forget

And what came for this

I know it's not a simple thing

And I don't understand, why, you did what you did

What you did, and what I'd do

Ninety straight degrees I walk away

And then I turn another 3 times and I come

I come back to you

If I crossed the line between you and I

It's alright for me, but is it right for you?

That's why I contemplate

I'm doing this for the second time

When all that you need is just a peace of mind

A peace of mind

A second time

If only I'd find the strength to walk away

And not turn another 4 times

And return to you

Ninety straight degrees I walk away

And then I turn another 3 times and I come

I come back to you

If I crossed the line between you and I

It's alright for me, but is it right for you?

That's why I contemplate

Ninety straight degrees I walk away

And then I turn another 3 times and I come

I come back to you

If I crossed the line between you and I

It's alright for me, but is it right for you?

That's why I contemplate

I contemplate

I contemplate leaving you

Contemplate by Jack & Rai.

Vegas Skies

2011-02-16T01:15:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. I don't know many things. One thing I do know is that this uncertainty, if left unresolved, is going to consume me. Yet I've never felt more thrilled by the risk. I bared my heart out and there's no need to hide anymore. I can take comfort in knowing that I've done all I can to suppress and that I am somehow able to say what I wanted to and meant it whole-heartedly. As far as I'm concerned, I've done my half. Come what may. Through hell and high water. Fingers crossed.

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies.

It's twelve o' clock and I need your attention
It's like the alcohol making my head spin
You scent is the rum, the room is a bottle
Keeping me hopeless 'til I wake tomorrow

And if tonight ever makes a difference
The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember it
I'll take this down until the glass remains
Swallow the words that I was meant to say

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight

So say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right

All of these guards they stand tall and defensive
Putting up walls around what was once innocent
It won't let me in but I'm stronger than that
'Cause you stole my eyes and I'll never look back

Girl last night I forgot to mention
The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember this
When we're this youn,g we have nothing to lose
We're just a clock to beat and a hand to choose

It's a long drive back to Vegas skies
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight

So say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right

It's a long way down

(Long way down)
Just fall into place
And you'll fall into me
We'll make it out you'll see

So say goodnight our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together

And say goodnight our first goodbye

(Take your time, say goodnight)
I've only got forever and forever is fine

(Take your time, say goodnight)
Just take your time

(Take your time, say goodnight)
We'll stop the clock together
And know that the timing was right

Vegas Skies by The Cab.

Dutch Courage

2011-02-15T01:49:00.003+08:00

Dutch courage.

Paranoia is haunting you and all these dirty looks
They are right on cue
You're full up to the brim with that 'he said, she said' trash
You exist behind your keyboard then you're gone in a flash

10 bucks says you don't have it in you
To conquer fear and quit believing what they tell you to
You are careening shamelessly into oblivion
You will live alone with your chemicals and gin

I am utterly disgusted with the path you trek
As inebriated as you can get off your latest paycheck
I am at a loss for words here
I hate to break this to you but being a coward is not a legitimate career

10 bucks says you don't have it in you
To conquer fear and quit believing what they tell you to
You are careening shamelessly into oblivion
You will live alone with your chemicals and gin

We were born and raised the same way
So what gives you the right to say
(At least I'm not a liar)
We were born and raised the same way
So what gives you the right to say
At least I'm not a liar, at least I'm not a cheat
We were born and raised the same way)
At least I don't care what these god damn mindless people think of me
(So what gives you the right to say)

10 bucks says you don't have it in you
To conquer fear and quit believing what they tell you to
You are careening shamelessly into oblivion
You will live alone with your chemicals and gin

(We were born and raised the same way)
You will live alone with your chemicals and gin
(So what gives you the right to say)
(We were born and raised the same way)
You will live alone with your chemicals and gin
(So what gives you the right to say)

Dutch Courage by The Spill Canvas.

Crimson Red

2011-02-14T00:25:00.004+08:00

The sky's a crimson red.

I'm constantly surrounded by a feeling
It came swirling down and crawled beneath my sheets
It followed me out to the car and to the park
She said "you always make me shake"

I think I found something amazing
Now it's your turn to amaze me

You paint the sky a crimson red
You bring the stars to life right from your bed
You always make me feel like July
And I wonder why sometimes

We'll lay up on your roof at night
And watch the shooting stars fly by
I'll tell you "someday I'll take you there"

(Someday I'll take you there)
I love the pretty songs you sing
The way you bring me to my knees
With your paralyzing voice

I think I found something amazing
Now it's your turn to amaze me

You paint the sky a crimson red
You paint the stars to light right from your bed
You always make me feel like July
And I wonder why sometimes

Take my words and your time
Feeling empty but I was blind
You let the radio play
Our love's deep like the seas
I face the waves as your currents drown me
You sweep me away

Take my words and your time

(You paint the sky)
Feeling empty but always blind

(A crimson red)
You let the radio play

(You bring the stars to life right from your bed)
Our love's deep like the seas

(You always makes me)
I face the waves as your currents drown me

(Feel like july)
You sweep me away

(And I wonder why sometimes)

Crimson Red by Holiday Parade.

Toba The Tura

2011-02-13T02:15:00.006+08:00

Toba the Tura.

Toba the Tura:

So you're Ahrima, collusive dreamer
I watched the lamps fall, you pushed them over
They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid
They must have flipped it, your skills are latent

O, you snuffed the glow

Replaced it with coals
Threw away the throne

O, you snuffed the glow
Replaced it with coals

Burnt down my home

You had a life of privilege, hope and love
But now that's all gone, maybe the design's flawed
So that's why I'm here, to preserve the remainder
Of what chance we have left at an existence

O, the desolate dirt

The raw, scorched earth.
It's a trophy of your worth

O, the desolate dirt
The raw, scorched earth

It's a scar of my hurt

Your cold, wicked soul boasts a foul scent

Ahrima:
No, a stench

Toba the Tura:
The formidable taste of pure contempt
Every dark corner will soon see the light

Ahrima:
O, so bright

Toba the Tura:
The beaming flood will pour right through the binds
My words will tear through the air
Pierce through the despair
To find your arrogant, throbbing ears
If it's too much to bear or to hear
Or to take, I'll be frank
Let my inflection be crystal clear
This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave
It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain
We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot
As The King of The Dark and Forgot

Ahrima:
What have I done?

Please make me your son
What have I become?

Destroyed all I love

Toba the Tura:
O, what have you done?
Disobedient son, you've broken the trust of your father's love

O, what have you done?
Disobedient son, you've broken the trust of your father's love

Narrator:
The arid, fallow earth would be Ahrima's new hearth
He would remain while he watched his family strain
And the girl that he loved, vacate to a new place
To state over on fresh terrain
And from his desolate throne he watched them compose
A mountainous wall of stone, to separate themselves from him
A massive, jagged barricade to lock themselves in
Theirs would be the Light, his would be the Dark
For a century these halves would wait
One world, set apart

Ahrima:
Place your hand on mine
Untie your mind
We'll just disengage
Float away

Toba The Tura by Forgive Durden feat. Chris Conley .

Twenty-Twenty Surgery

2011-02-07T00:00:00.007+08:00

It's twenty-twenty surgery.

I'll take with me every single luxury when I leave you could

Count on me for that and nothing more
(Count on me for that and nothing more)
The view from this side's not what
The view from this side's not what
I thought it'd be, promise something differently
Close our eyes and let go of the wheel

It's not the quantity that bothers me
(No, it's not the quantity that bothers me)
No, it's not the quality that bothers me

It's the means

Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view
Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view

Well all young children listen, 'cause they've got so much to learn
(Turn it in, turn it in)
We'll get you home in time to make the rent should be for free for being me

It's not the quantity that bothers me
(No, it's not the quantity that bothers me)
No, it's not the quality that bothers me

It's the means

Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view
Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view

I do, I don't need you like you think
I do, I don't, I don't need you like you think
I do, I don't, I don't need you like you think
I do, you don't, you don't leave me alone
I do, I don't, I don't need you like you think
I do, you don't, you just don't leave me alone

Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view
Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view

You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine
You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine
You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine
You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine

Twenty-Twenty Surgery by Taking Back Sunday.

Intro

2011-01-29T22:45:00.003+08:00

A compelling or constraining influence
Such as a moral force on the mind or world

Pressure
To be undecided or skeptical
To tend to disbelieve and distrust, to regard as unlikely
That's doubt
The condition of being insufficient or falling short
Decline in strength or effectiveness

Failure
The instinct to run, to back away or give up
To need, want, reach, steal
The feeling to always want more and to take more
The loss of breath at the sight of a car accident, to drive by

Never being able to feel satisfied
And to reject anyone who tries

And this is my life

Intro by The Early November.

Disconnect

2011-01-24T01:04:00.003+08:00

I think I have just developed a dislike for smartphones. Before you call me a hypocrite, I own one myself, I'll just like to point out that I am in no way as addicted to my phone as most people in this generation are. Yes, I do get engrossed in my games every now and then but I only do that when I'm bored, feeling awkward or distracting myself from reality. But as much as possible, I try not to engage myself when I'm out with someone.

Today's incident has got me realising just how unproductive it is to be so easily connected to the rest of the world. Not only do you have the occasional phone calls and text messages, you are constantly bombarded with the never ending updates on Facebook and Twitter just to name a few. Real-time updates from everywhere and everyone.

Sure, it has its benefits but when you're trying to get something done or trying to get engaged in conversation with someone, you don't want these distractions in between. It makes it seem like that face to face meeting with the person is less important than your attachment with the rest of the world. Or implying that you'd prefer to be elsewhere than there at that point in time with someone else doing whatever else. Even if you don't mean it that way, it sorts of devalues that time you spend together. Unless of course whatever you're doing enhances the meeting like say taking a photo together and tweeting about it or playing a multiplayer game with the person. But make sure you're not leaving the third person out by playing a 2-player game, that's also a no-no.

I guess that's why I chose not to have data plan on my phone, because the moment I have that connectivity, I'll lose connection of what's happening in real life. I need a distinctive separation between what I do online and offline and a phone should be a phone, nothing more. Maybe a wee bit more so the games can keep company during long bus rides but it shouldn't replace a computer. At the rate technology is going though, the lines will become more and more blurry with the development of tablet PCs and whatnot. It irks me that people have become so addicted to their handheld gadgets that they neglect these rare precious moments meeting with their friends.

Call me a traditionalist, I really enjoy going back home and logging on the internet after a day without connectivity. It's one of the things I look forward to every day. The moment I have real-time connectivity, I'll probably lose that daily cheap thrills. There's no reason to want to come home to check your inbox for important emails or update yourself with what's going on with the world albeit outdated. I guess I dislike that bombardment from constant updates at every point in time and the effects that come with it. All the distractions and the interruptions, as if there isn't enough of those around us already.

We're human beings. We should place our biggest priority on what is real, the face to face interactions. It may not be written in black and white or recorded in your inbox, that's why it should require more of your attention than any other. It's intangible that way, but that has always been the way people communicate and it should remain that way. All these other forms of communication should not replace but rather support or enhance the experience of talking face to face. As far as possible, I shall continue to resist this piece of technology even if it means I'm missing out.

Disconnect.

I can't start wishing that I went for something more
But I can dream between my losing faith and now
Though I've got plans, I'll stay proud
With every single scream I'll find my place in every city
And I'll never lose my voice

I stood there counting all the days 'til I was free
And I can't sleep, I'll drive those 30 miles home
But I can't breathe, but I'm still proud of every single day
It's something killing me again
And I need to get away from all the things
That made me lose my mind before

And I know

This time everything
(This time everything)
Is gonna be be alright
(Is gonna be be alright)
Take it slow, so you know that it's real
More than just tonight
(Tonight, tonight)
And what if every word
(What if every word)
Escaped my mouth tonight
(Escaped my mouth tonight)
And I watch as the world took its toll
On my lips and my lips told my voice
Not to let my mouth make pride

So what if my house is just a van and I'm in love?
Would I drive a thousand miles out west to disconnect?
I know I've got this in my head
So what if music changed my life?
Would it ever change my mind?

This time everything
(This time everything)
Is gonna be be alright
(Is gonna be be alright)
Take it slow, so you know that it's real
More than just tonight
(Tonight, tonight)
And what if every word
(What if every word)
Escaped my mouth tonight
(Escaped my mouth tonight)
And I watch as the world took its toll
On my lips and my lips told my voice
Not to let my mouth make pride

We calmly took apart my head
I'll keep you singing along for all that I can
But I'm afraid of all the nightmares that came true
But I'm just living out my dreams again
I'll never wonder what I'll be
Why can't you help me find it once again?
You were never one to give up on this town
To give up on this town

To give up on this town
(And this time everything is gonna be alright)
To give up on this town
(What if every word could change my life tonight?)
To give up on this town
(Could change my life tonight)

Disconnect by The Dangerous Summer feat. Alex Gaskarth.

You'll Never Know

2011-01-23T14:23:00.003+08:00

Perhaps you don't need me half as much as I do. Perhaps you don't see me the way I look at you. Perhaps you grew up and out of it before I did. Perhaps you don't feel what I feel towards you. Perhaps you'll never know then.

You'll never know I didn't want it to go
The way it went, South

Not a word from my mouth but from the moment

I shook your hand, I was determined

And when I'm near you, I don't speak, I barely look
I'm afraid you'll see it in my face

Each time it, honey, drips right off of my lips
I never stick, so how'd you get me stuck in this?
Each time it, honey, drips right off my lips
And now I wish you never got me stuck in this
But it won't show, and you'll never know
I'll lay low and you'll never know

You'll never know but my left brain
Took the wrong things, East

You got me all crazy come off lazy
But I'm more alive on the inside

When I'm near you I can't speak, I never look
I'm afraid you'll see it in my face

Each time it, honey, drips right off of my lips
I never stick, so how'd you get me stuck in this?
Each time it, honey, drips right off my lips
And now I wish you never got me stuck in this
But it won't show, and you'll never know
I'll lay low and you'll never know

I was smiling like a Lion
Buried myself inside your neck
Oh West
Clawed my hands around your chest
North
With some regret
I've never felt like this

Each time it, honey, drips right off of my lips
I never stick, so how'd you get me stuck in this?
Each time it, honey, drips right off my lips
And now I wish you never got me stuck in this
But it won't show, and you'll never know
I'll lay low and you'll never know

It won't show, and you'll never know

I'll lay low, you'll never know (It won't show)

You'll never know (I'll lay low)

You'll Never Know by VersaEmerge.

Queso, I Have An Idea

2011-01-21T01:23:00.001+08:00

Decisions, decisions.

As human beings of high intellectual potential, we are blessed with the gift of creation. The most powerful generator of creations is, without a doubt, our mind. Everything we say and do, whether consciously or unconsciously, come from the same source. By thinking, we are already creating.

Our thoughts could be made out of images, words, you name it. An idea is then born, through all of these. It could be as simple as the idea of what you want to eat for lunch. Also, how you want to prepare the meal. Perhaps you ran out of food and you're forced to eat out and so you plan on how to get there. Yes, that is still an idea.

As individuals, it's easy for us to develop ideas that we know will benefit ourselves. We map out blueprints to achieve our ultimate motive and we work our way towards it.

As individuals, it's impossible for a group to collectively agree on ideas all the time. There will always be differences, may it be mindset, ideologies and so on. A compromise has to be made and the only way to do that is to rationalise.

It's not a matter of pointing out who's right and who's wrong. It's not a contest of egos. It's not a battle to see who's better than the other.

It is simply to make one’s stand and offer viewpoints to another. It is through opening up and such sharing of ideas that we can learn from each other.

Sometimes, one's idea is foolproof. Sometimes, one's idea is combined with another to make it more solid. Sometimes, one's idea is not feasible because of constraints and factors that can't be changed. Sometimes, one's idea isn't even considered.

Whatever the case, we weigh our options and we come up with a decision that everyone could agree on. Whether it is be the better, we can only see after. But when we do make that decision collectively, we fight our necks out for that common goal.

Because that is what being a group is about. We don't fight the battle for ourselves; we fight for the people around us who are fighting the same battle.

You may not necessarily believe in it as much as the other person does but you do what you can to bring it as close to fruition as you possibly can. Why? Easy, we want the best for the people around us even if it's at our expense.

Whether it actually does is another story altogether.

No sneers. No sniggers. Not even an "I told you so".

It may not end up the way you want it to but it doesn't mean that it’s not for the better. What really counts is going through the notion together. It's not always the destination that truly matters, it's the journey. But if it happens, then good on you.

Sometimes, we just have to be brave enough to allow ourselves to make what seems like a mistake, in order for the right outcome to take place. So really, is that really that much of a mistake then?

Oh, Queso, I have an idea.

It's three and I'm tired
Please tell me where to turn the light switch on
If I fall asleep I'll waste my time
Tonight
I wanted to accomplish more
Than spinning in a circle til I can't recall the day before

Let's use our time
Why should we waste it? (waste it)
I'll sketch my mood
And you can trace it
Oh, Queso, I have an idea
I've been up late singing songs in my head

But I've forgotten most of them,
I've forgotten most of them
Can we try to give this room a little life?
Upside down my feet can reach the ground
This time, I wanted to recover more
Than jokes I came up yesterday and stories that I've heard before

Let's use our time
Why should we waste it? (waste it)
I'll sketch my mood
And you can trace it
Oh, Queso, I have an idea
I've been up late singing songs in my head

And I've forgotten most of them
But now I remember what to sing about
And breathe out every breath left in my chest
Breath out every breathe I'll

Paint the town a color
But I'm a little out of red
I dated something innocent
Let's just drink instead
I know it's no Las Vegas
But the lights still burn my eyes
I've wished from the beginning
The silence of the city by night

Let's use our time
Why should we waste it? (waste it)
I'll sketch my mood
And you can trace it (trace it)
Oh, Queso, I have an idea
I've been up late singing songs in my head

And I've forgotten most of them
But now I remember what to sing about
And breathe out every breath left in my chest
And now I think I'm at my best

Queso, I Have An Idea by Goodnight Sunrise.

Weathered

2011-01-18T00:07:00.004+08:00

I hate the feeling of not knowing what I'm feeling. It's a very confusing feeling. Thing is, I know what I'm supposed to feel. If only feelings can easily be converted with reasons. Trust me, the reasons are countless. The lingering feeling seems to remain. That really frustrates me. I'm supposed to be strong enough for this. I cannot keep doing this to myself. It hurts, it really does. I'm tired of not knowing. Yet I know it's not going to be a favourable response if I did take that leap. Still, the 'what if' remains. And it's killing me. I'm weathered, I really am.

I felt unable, I was lying on my side
In the same clothes from the very last night
I wanna pray that I'm doing everything right
I saw my mom die for the very first time
She was an angel, God took her from the sky
And there's a million other people that I found
Who cared more than I ever will

I held that note out
I grabbed my bag and I left through the door
I let my hair grow
Put these words on my skin, I cannot relate

Would you believe in my songs if I gave them all to you?
I can find the strength in my voice
To call you back and say that everything is bad without you
And I am lost again, oh God believe I'm lost again.

I stayed in bed and we took so much that I couldn't even sleep
I waited so long though that wasn't even that bad
I never had to be a part of the world
And I've been making that a goal for reasons that I cannot explain
Well, I'm an optimist but only in a perfect world
I think I'm too stained with all the negativity
From all the people in my way

Would you believe in my songs if I gave them all to you?
I can find the strength in my voice
To call you back and say that everything is bad without you
And I am lost again, oh God believe I'm lost again

Would you believe in my songs if I gave them all to you?
I can find the strength in my voice
To call you back and say that everything is bad without you
And I am lost again, oh God believe I'm lost again

I trip down south and felt the sun on my face
And it made things okay for a second
I drew a picture of my problems when I was going insane
And I focused on the currents
It's the funny thing about it
I never seem to worry that every single current's not the same
It's all about position, and where I choose to lay
And God I am going away

Would you believe in my songs if I gave them all to you?
I can find the strength in my voice
To call you back and say that everything is bad without you
And I am lost again, oh God believe I'm lost again

Would you believe in my songs if I gave them all to you?
I can find the strength in my voice
To call you back and say that everything is bad without you

Weathered by The Dangerous Summer.

Maybe I'm A Ghost

2011-01-08T22:30:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm a ghost.

So baby, run your fingers down my face
And watch me turn around and walk away
(Turn around and walk away)
And all those times you always had me beat
But now I lay in bed and grind my teeth
(Lay in bed and grind my teeth)

'Cause in the end she'll never know

I bet a dime that every time we meet
That something obvious will come from it
(Something obvious will come from it)
Because we take our drinks and then retreat
And then we talk until we fall asleep

'Cause in the end she'll never know

Who lights the skies, come home
And when you fall don't feel alone
Cause I'll get up, get up for you

And maybe I'm a ghost and I'm wondering
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
'Cause this could be the end
And I'm hoping that

You still feel me
Please don't leave me

So baby, run your fingers down my face
And watch me turn around and walk away
Because we take our drinks and then retreat
And then we talk until we fall asleep

And maybe I'm a ghost and I'm wondering
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
'Cause this could be the end
And I'm hoping that

You still feel me
Please don't leave me

(And I'll get up, get up for you)
Maybe I'm a ghost
And maybe I'm a ghost and I'm wondering

(And I'll get up, get up for you)
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?

(And I'll get up, get up for you)
'Cause this could be the end
And I'm hoping that

(And I'll get up, get up for you)

You still feel me
Please don't leave me

(And I'll get up, get up for you)
Maybe I'm a ghost
And maybe I'm a ghost and I'm wondering

(And I'll get up, get up for you)
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?

(And I'll get up, get up for you)
'Cause this could be the end
And I'm hoping that

(And I'll get up, get up for you)

You still feel me
Please don't leave me

Maybe I'm A Ghost by Sing It Loud.

The Spider And The Lamps

2011-01-02T23:24:00.007+08:00

The spider and the lamps.

The Spider:
So you're Ahrima
Nice to finally meetcha
Heard so much about you
And I hope it's all true
I saw what they did

Ahrima:
Yes, such arrogance

The Spider:
I'm the Spider
Crawl inside her

I'm gonna show you this once
And then you're gonna do it

You have a special gift
But they still treat you like you're a kid
It must hurt so bad
With a knife in you're back

Oh, oh, oh

They don't understand
This is their last chance
No more idle hands
You'll destroy the lamps
Then they'll know
Who's in control

Brings those lamps back to me
Don't leave them in one piece
Make sure there's a crowd
Then tear them to the ground

Brings those lamps back to me
Don't leave them in one piece
It's your chance for revenge
This'll show them

Now it's your turn
Come on
Like you mean it

Ahrima:
I have a special gift
But they still treat me like I'm a kid
It hurts so bad
With a knife in your back

Oh, oh, oh

They don't understand
This is their last chance
No more idle hands
I'll destroy the lamps
Then they'll know
Who's in control

The Spider:
They can't stop you
Bring those lamps back to me
Go now
Don't stop
They underestimate you and your gift

The Spider and Ahrima:
Tear those lamps to the ground
Let them cry their eyes out
Tear those lamps to the ground
Let them hear the sound

Narrator:
The seed had been sown
Now the evil would grow

His keen young vein

Were ripe for this aim
So Ahrima set forth

To use the lamps as a torch
And with everyone around
He tore them to the ground
And suddenly, without warning
Their creation was burning
Their design, ignited
All that hard work, slighted
So Toba the Tura was sent to
Hold Ahrima responsible for his mess
To ban him to this fiery abyss
While the remaining found a new place to live

The Spider And The Lamps by Forgive Durden feat. Max Bemis.

Brand New Colony

2011-01-01T23:11:00.006+08:00

This is the year that promises many great things. Horoscope prediction say that it'll be a good year in all aspects of life for me. My gut feeling tells me this is going to be the year where everything will fall into place and I'll finally get lucky.

If yesterday was any indication, then it could very well be. I spent the last day of the year in the company of my loving family and the company of my favourite few. It was a great tribute seeing as to how they both played such a big role in my survival of last year. There's nothing more fitting than to be able to ring in the new year with them is there?

I've always believed that the path of happiness involves the existence of others around you. Where's the joy in winning or succeeding in anything if there isn't anyone to celebrate it with? Who's there to look out for you when there isn't anyone you decide to share your love with?

These are the people that matter most and they can be assured that I've their back at all life's struggles. Whether or not they feel the same way I can only hope, but I do trust that they too have my interest at heart and that they care about me.

Yes, I'm feeling a little incoherent right now. I can't seem to put my words into place. I guess for everything that'll change, some things will always remain the same.

Brand new colony.

I'll be the grapes fermented
Bottled and served with the table set
In my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman

I'll be the fire escape
That's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings
That save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink

I'll be the phonograph
That plays your favorite albums back
As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes
And undo what heredity's done to you
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat
Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch cold

I want to take you far
From the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free
From the tethers of this scene
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change
We'll give ourselves new names
Identities erased
The sun will heat the ground
Under our bare feet
In this brand new colony

Brand new colony

Everything will change, oh
Everything will change, oh
Everything will change, oh

Brand New Colony by The Postal Service.

Worker Bee

2010-12-29T02:06:00.005+08:00

2011 is creeping in, I'm still unsure if I'm ready to face it. This year was quite a ride, I guess I was asking for it though. I remember writing about how uneventful last year was so I definitely got what I asked for. The last week of 2010 has been a real rush, I haven't had the chance to really reflect on the year and all its happenings. One thing's for sure though, it had taught me countless lessons, most of which through the hard way. I've made mistakes and also achieved so much.

Getting through the year alive is a big feat. I've gotten in and out of a relationship, I half wished that it didn't happen. And for some reason, it really felt like it didn't happen at all. Like part of memory was erased but yet, its repercussion rung loud enough for me to know that it did.

The band got caught in a messy tangle, forcing big changes and bigger decisions to be made. Most of which are for the better for all parties. I can safely say that everyone's better off now and that the future looks brighter than ever for us.

Friendships were put on a bunsen burner. Bent. Strengthened. Broken. Re-forged. Bridges burned. Doors opened. Lost. Found. Loneliness. Loved. Insecurities. Trust. Some friendships survived the test, others crumbled to ashes.

I've misplaced my faith in many, I reached out to new beliefs and virtues. I bared my heart and soul. I kept them hidden in a safe. I fell down. I grew up. I dreamed. I wake.

The experiences of this year has made me see the world in a new light. For all its beauty and wonder, lies the ugly and the unknown.

I've been a good little worker bee, I deserve a gold star.

It's been a good year, a good new beginning
I'm through with the old school so let's commence the winning
I've been a good little worker bee

I deserve a gold star

Gone are the glad hands, the black holes and liars
The constant companions, obnoxious suppliers
Carnivore kings milking holiday sins
Comas and cashmere

It went from no good to effed up and over
A total distortion of lifelong disorders
barreling headfirst through fresh open wounds
This, I was not used to
Now that my words don't quite do what they should
Now that old wounds are resurfacing too
It makes me feel golden
It makes me feel good

It's been a good year, a good new beginning
I'm through with the old school so let's commence the winning

I've been a good little worker bee
I deserve a gold star
A gold star
I deserve a gold star today

Worker Bee by Motion City Soundtrack.

Have Yourself A Lonely Little Christmas

2010-12-23T11:15:00.006+08:00

I find it funny that about this time every year, I tend to become so listless about everything. This year sadly, is no exception. Maybe there's something about the festive season that sparks too much hopes and expectations that I know I won't get to experience this year. Maybe it's just because I've never had fond memories of Decembers in general that I've grown accustomed to the fact that this year ain't gonna be any different. Maybe Christmas is holding grudges against me.

December, not February, is the loneliest month of the year for single people. Or at least, to me it is. I should have gotten used to this by now, I wouldn't be writing this entry if that is true. So, very obviously I haven't. Maybe I've been looking for company at all the wrong places. Maybe I've been seeking companionships with the wrong faces. Maybe I'm just not good with relationships.

I'm blessed with beautiful people around me though. I have a family who loves me, albeit a little too much. My band mates are my best friends without whom, my life would have no meaning or purpose. My class mates are some of the nicest people I'm fortunate enough to have met. My acquaintances are always there to teach me fresh perspectives on life. My social circle is small but it's enough.

I don't believe in Santa Claus. I do, however, believe in Christmas miracles. So Christmas, if ever you decide to kiss and make up with me, I have two requests. I only want you to equip me with better social skills so I can a better friend to my friends. The other, the heart to be more understanding and accepting instead of resisting to changes that I don't have control over anyways.

Until then, have yourself a lonely little Christmas.

I was driving up the northbound
It's so lonely here in Texas
Miss the changing of the seasons blow you away

It's a cold and dark December
Frost is nipping at my fingers
When distance takes its toll you pull fast away
My darling I know

When morning shares its light
The snow has finally come
This peace is not quite
And I am not home
I'm checking my list twice
And cursing at the cold
'Cause I am not fine
And this is not home

I have taken you for granted
I have taken more than I gave
I have taken all your love and thrown it away

But if I cut through the silence and listen deep
I can still hear you breathing softly in my sheets
There is safety in that sound a promise in each breathe
That as long as I breathe I will love you to death

When morning shares its light
The snow has finally come
This peace is not quite
And I am not home
I'm checking my list twice
And cursing at the cold
'Cause I am not fine
And this is not home

Every cell signals distress
My mind on alert, my muscles are so tense
Digging deep to find what I need
Yet stuck on the surface 'cause I'm afraid to leave
Bitter winds push me below this Christmas I follow
Let's see where this hole goes

(See where this hole goes)

See where this hole goes

Have Yourself A Lonely Little Christmas by Asteria.

Don't Exist

2010-12-21T00:48:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just there to make up the numbers.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone realises that I'm not there.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone misses me when I'm gone.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm significant enough for anyone to care.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually notices my existence.

I remember when we were young
And I showed signs of a promising love
I could hear church bells ringing
But they never rang for us because
I could never learn to trust or commit
So you wrote that you would carry
All the love for the both of us
At the time I thought this would be enough
I'll just wallow in some dying lust
I remember when I, when I was insane
When I thought people didn't change

I thought we were making progress
Your body language contradicts
Your monologue of pretext so I'll admit
I'm losing interest and my love was a pretense
I'm tired of these failing attempts to balance myself
Between what you want and the opinions of everyone else
I keep rewinding progress

I know I'm a fiasco

But it's not your fault

We were young and impressionable
But the man that you love doesn't love you at all
But he's still a good man

I'm still a good man

I guess

Well, I'll look at all the lonely people
They say it's all my fault that I'm alone because
I'm tenacious and I do not care
So I'll just ignore the lonely people
To them I know I don't, I don't exist

I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends, we were all hypocrites
I'm losing all my best friends and I don't exist
I don't exist
I don't exist
I don't exist
I don't exist

Don't Exist by PMToday.

On A Lonely Night

2010-12-18T01:48:00.003+08:00

On a lonely night like tonight, I need to find some purpose to motivate myself...

I was sixteen met you out in Ohio
You were only fifteen living life by the mile
We laid under the stars
Fell asleep in your backyard
You said you could fly
But you never need to
Cause with us you never tried too hard
And you never will

On a lonely night you will see
You're everything to me (you got everything)
On a lonely night oh, the truth is
Every night is lonely without you
Every night is lonely without you here

We are older now
And you came back to Ohio
You whispered something to me
I haven't heard in a while
I wish I could lie
And just tell you I'm fine
You wouldn't believe me if you tried
If I listen to our song I'll be up all night

On a lonely night you will see
You're everything to me (you got everything)
On a lonely night oh, the truth is
Every night is lonely without you
Every night is lonely without you here

It's been forever, but lately it's been hard
Like when we took your parent's car
And drove forever in the dark
I'd give it all away if I could I see you
Once again and have a summer love
Growing close and never go

On a lonely night you will see
You're everything to me (you got everything)
On a lonely night oh, the truth is
Every night is lonely without you
Every night is lonely without you here

And every guy would be lonely without you there

On A Lonely Night by A Rocket To The Moon.

Anxious

2010-12-11T23:43:00.004+08:00

Looking awful anxious...

Can't you see?
You're looking awful anxious

Well, settle down

Take a break and figure out

You shouldn't be paranoid, or should you?
Is there a warning out and you're not telling us?
Explain yourself, or try to

It's getting harder to ignore it
With the vital signs facing our way
Joker, you've cornered yourself from it all
And now you are, you're looking awful anxious

Well, make a plan
Draw it up and document
You want to be ready when they're questioning
So you modify to find the only door is high
I guess you better find a cake that will make you grow

It's getting harder to ignore it
With the vital signs facing our way
Joker, you've cornered yourself from it all
And now you are, you're looking awful anxious

I saw you hiding out
Does it make it harder for you to sneak around now?

It's getting harder to ignore it
With the vital signs facing our way
Joker, you've cornered yourself from it all
And now you are, you're looking awful anxious, doll

Anxious by States.

Right Girl

2010-12-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

If there's anything that I have learnt by now is that when you can never predict the future. We might have thought of the consequences beforehand, the countless scenarios that could possibly happen but somehow the outcome is always the one we that didn't cross our mind. It's funny really, we spend so much time weighing our options and we're too afraid of taking the plunge. We don't want to be caught in a vulnerable position. We don't want to be the first one to let our guards down.

Lesson 2: not deciding is a decision. It's a delaying tactic, what we don't realise is that prolonging that time to decide will only make the decision harder to make. It'll only lead to more hurt, sometimes beyond repair. That is the perhaps, the result of playing it too safe. The safer you think it is, the more there is at stake at the end of it all. It's as if everything that happened is compressed into a tiny space until the last inch is used up.

I guess the same can be said about me; I hate risking it all but at some points of our short lives, we will be forced to make a decision. It could be the most painful or the ones we're never entirely sure of doing but we've got to make them anyway. How else can we progress then?

I've gone through with many risks and suffered some critical damage from most of them. I've never been particularly good with making decisions, I like playing it safe. I like sitting on fences for as long as I can. I prefer enjoying the view from afar.

Lesson 3: every situation is different. Just because something bad happened before with a decision that you made, it doesn't mean that things won’t turn out differently the next time you make the same decision. Lightning doesn't strike twice at the same spot. It could be a different person, a different timing, a different level of relationship, a different environment. These are factors that are beyond what we see. Settings we cannot change even if we want to.

So why do we do what we do? Simple, we want to be in control all the time. No, let me correct that, we want to feel like we are in control of the situations all the time. We narrow our choices down to what we think we know so that we can assure ourselves that we're making the right decision. Why else would we want to be seen as making the wrong the wrong turn? For the lack of a better word: ego-booster. To others: self-confidence.

Well, if there's one last lesson that I've learnt is that life bites back. It always does.

I did the wrong thing to the right girl once before, I can't afford to do it again.

Got caught running up a tab
Couldn't drive home so I had to share a cab
Introduced herself by her last name
The kind of girl you steal from the football team
Brought up, a silver spoon mess
Always trying to tear off her catholic dress
Told me she's over this place
Needs to feel the Midwest wind in her face
But the alcohol made its way down
She was the last thing that I saw last night before I hit the ground

Oh, God I did the wrong thing to the right girl
My mind was only in it for a minute
I had a bad fling with a good girl
I was stupid and dumb, not giving a (hey!)
The blank stare out the window
If I could just sober up, I could just admit
I did the wrong thing to the right girl
It was your world baby and I just lived in it

It was your world baby and I just lived in it

I've never been the best with my mouth
Try to say smart, but the dumb comes out
Maybe, I'm shy, I drive an old car
Maybe, I'm amazed that it got this far
And I got my standbys waiting on the line
But the hardest part is knowing that it won't be her this time

Oh, God I did the wrong thing to the right girl
My mind was only in it for a minute
I had a bad fling with the good girl
I was stupid and dumb, not giving a (hey!)
The blank stare out the window
If I could just sober up, I could just admit
I did the wrong thing to the right girl
It was your world baby and I just lived in it

It was your world baby and I just lived in it

Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back

She came back, thought she had it all planned out
Went to marry some guy she had talked about
A tear in her dress and a tear in her eye
Just like that her whole life flashed by
She won't remember what you said last night
(What you said last night)
That if you ever needed someone to pick up the pieces in your life

Oh, God I did the wrong thing to the right girl
My mind was only in it for a minute
I had a bad fling with the good girl
I was stupid and dumb, not giving a (hey!)
The blank stare out the window
If I could just sober up, I could just admit
I did the wrong thing to the right girl
It was your world baby and I just lived in it

It was your world baby and I just lived in it
Oh, it was your world, oh
Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back
It was your world baby and I just lived in it
Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back

Right Girl by The Maine.

Cheers To Love

2010-12-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

We all know just how ridiculously high our expectations gets each time we see romance on the silver screen. We all want that kind of love blossoming in reality, you start imagining that dream guy/girl based on what the movie-makers imagined him/her to be.You start sketching mental images of his/her appearance, you note down your favoured attributes he/she carries. Even when the actors go about the cheesiest of notions, you forgive them because you haven't even experienced it.

So if you believe in movie scripts, you'll continue to search/wait for 'The (Elusive) One' to appear. I'm here to tell you why you'll never end up with your dream guy/girl.

The thing about love is that, very often, you don't plan on falling for the person. You don't know when or how it happened, you just know you did. You don't see it. You don't hear it. You feel it. He/she cuts the queue of your priority list ranking, just below air, water, food and shelter. You start relating everything in this world to that person. You're so smitten, your peripheral vision deteriorates to tunnel vision with he/she appearing dead centre in your crosshair. You go out of your way to spend time with him/her to the extent that you push yourself out of your comfort zone to try and experience his/her lifestyle. That way, a compromise can be made and no, the compromise rarely weighs the same for both parties but the many compromises might balance each other out.

When a relationship fails, you try reasoning with yourself. You move on, you try again. You find hope in new beginnings and you lose them just as quickly when they became abrupt endings. With each failure, you edit your list of 'requirements' he/she must possess to one you deem more fitting. You grow tired of the game and you start to wonder if you'll ever meet him/her. You decide to settle for someone 'less'.

Is that such a bad thing? You might think so, and if you do, read the above one more time.

The person whom you settled for may not be what you think is 'The One'. I'm here to dispel that thought from you forever.

Nothing beats the feeling of being with somebody that you love with all your heart. You should consider yourself very lucky to have found your significant other. The whole time you were so caught up with the things that don't matter, your little checklist of criteria. As you go through heartbreak after heartbreak, you adjust your list not because you're settling for someone less worthy of you, you're merely recreating the list so the two of you can be worthy of each other.

If you still can't see the light, let me try and break it down for you. Based on the context above, the term 'the guy/girl of your dream' should be taken literally. That is also how I see the term. The guy/girl you you are with, is real. He/she is real. Unless 'the guy/girl of your dream' is someone real, not a figment of your own imagination or a page with a set of requirements, that's when you have every right to go for him/her. You have my permission and my blessings.

I don't believe that mankind's mentality is divided into realist and dreamer. It's not that simple. You may not realise it but both of them exist in all of us. The difference from Tom, Dick and Harry is the percentage of both of them for everyone of them.

There's a fine line between thinking and feeling.

Brain versus heart.

Scientists believe that we feel with our mind, not our heart. They explain with big words, typical science theories, such as adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin amongst other less heard of hormones in our brain like oxytocin and vasopressin.

Romanticists created the heart. To them, the heart isn't just an organ that pumps blood to the rest of your body, it's the sacred oil rig that refuels our body.

Again, I don't believe that mankind with either, you need both to live. I would like to think I'm more on romanticists' side on this. After all, there is only so much science can prove. Besides science is also created on the basis of theories, which to me are just a set of beliefs and rules until proven otherwise.

Still, I can deny the realist's existence in me. How else can you explain my cautiousness and preference to stay on the safe side? The unwillingness to take the plunge and risk it all? I will be at the top of a skyscraper now about to base jump. I fear rejection, I fear loss, I fear death, I fear flying cockroaches.

Regardless of whether you're more of a realist or a dreamer, you've got to figure out when to decide with your brain and when to follow your heart. Mix rationalising and reasoning with imagining and dreaming. Only then can you feel love.

Cheers to love.

Don't we all have our frustrations
Don't we all want to learn some patience
Don't we all want some attention
Don't we all want to praise our existence

But it's so tiring, to feel the pain
And it's so painful, to feel that it's impossible to love again

Oh my god, I'm a stranger to myself, and nothing's left for you
Oh my god, I'm sinner, against what the freaks call love
Oh my god, I do not know love, I close my eyes to pretend it doesn't hurt
Oh my god, I do not know love, I open my eyes in hope of finding you there

I close my eyes and I count to ten
'Cause I can never find a heart to settle in
Who is watching, who is watching you now?

This is more captivating than the light
The light that never shines, it doesn't ever shine
It gives a hope that dies
It gives a hope that dies
I wish I was alive
I wish I was alive
I wish I was alive
I wish I was alive

So go ahead and make me an offer
Place your cards across the table
We've been here for too long
And this has got to stop
Nothing's okay, I've been lying to you.
Nothing's okay, I've been putting on airs
I cannot trust myself
This is not too hard

Don't we all have our frustrations
Don't we all want to learn some patience
Don't we all want some attention
Don't we all want to praise our existence

But it's so tiring, to feel the pain
And it's so painful, to feel that it's impossible to love again

Oh my god, I'm a stranger to myself, and nothing's left for you
Oh my god, I'm sinner, against what the freaks call love
Oh my god, I do not know love, I close my eyes to pretend it doesn't hurt
Oh my god, I do not know love, I open my eyes in hope of finding you there

Don't we all have our frustrations?
Don't we all want to learn some patience?
Don't we all want some attention?
Don't we all want to praise our existence?

Don't we all just want to feel alive?

So here's to love
And all the pain that it requires
So what is love?
I just want to feel alive
So here's to love
And all the pain that it requires
So what is love?
I just want to feel alive

Cheers To Love by Caracal.

Tell Me What You're Thinking

2010-12-02T23:13:00.004+08:00

I've always wondered what's on your mind, because I can honestly tell you that a lot of things are running through mine. There's too many of them and I don't know where or how to begin. So I give up and I say "nothing". If ever you were to ask me, I will honestly say "you". At least that's a start.

Tell me what you're thinking.

Tell me what you’re thinking baby as my hand is touching yours
It may have been an accident or maybe it’s what I was reaching for
I want you to feel some kind of energy
As the reel starts to spin and puts a picture on the screen

So tell me what you’re thinking baby as I’m walking you to your door
California’s cold tonight as we fight through a winter storm
Now here we stand, beneath the shelter of your porch
A simple kiss is all I’m still standing here for

So tell me what you’re thinking baby as our lips begin to touch
Cause I got one thought inside my mind, it says, "I love you so much"

Tell Me What You're Thinking by Say No More.

The Ice Is Getting Thinner

2010-11-27T02:35:00.005+08:00

I don't really know what to say. I don't really know what to feel.

I'm a mess.

Someone please just pull the trigger to my head.

At least that way, everything dies.

I'm afraid, the ice under me and you, has thinned.

We're not the same dear as we used to be
The seasons have changed and so have we
And there was little we could say and even less that we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you

We buried our love in a wintery grave
A lump in the snow was all that remained
But we stayed by it's side as the days turned to weeks
As the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak

And when spring arrived we were taken by surprise
When the floes under our feet bled into the sea
And nothing was left for you and me

We're not the same dear and it seems to me
There's nowhere we can go with nothing underneath
And it saddens me to say what we both knew was true
That the ice was getting thinner under me and you

The ice was getting thinner under me and you

The Ice Is Getting Thinner by Death Cab For Cutie.

One More Weekend

2010-11-25T00:25:00.004+08:00

Just one more weekend remains.

Somewhere hiding underneath
Kicking off covers while you sleep
Soon you're gonna leave, so leave us
One more weekend

You've got all the friends you need
Bad tattoos and worse IDs

You feel alive, do you feel alive?

You'll go off, you'll forget
You'll grow out of hanging from the edges
Breaking off the past
You'll know when to move on
You'll know when to take all the right chances
Never looking back

Somewhere hiding underneath
Driving around these empty streets
Do you think you're better off dead
Better off dead than alive in here?
You've got all the friends you need
Bad tattoos and worse IDs

You feel alive
Do you feel alive?

You'll go off, you'll forget
You'll grow out of hanging from the edges
Breaking off the past
You'll know when to move on
You'll know when to take all the right chances
Never looking back

How could you think the time we spent was all wasted
Sleepwalking through every morning we took for granted?
Maybe the time we spent was not wasted
Let it go, I'll let you go

(Oh, woah oh)

(Oh, woah oh)

You'll go off, you'll forget
You'll grow out of hanging from the edges
Breaking off the past
You'll know when to move on
You'll know when to take all the right chances
Never looking back

We are half alone, our hearts are leaving home
Now we don't belong to anyone at all

We are half alone, our hearts are leaving home
Now we don't belong to anyone at all

Somewhere hiding underneath
Kicking off your covers while you sleep
You feel alive

One More Weekend by The Academy Is...

Communication

2010-11-20T03:21:00.012+08:00

In about a week's time, I will get a taste of what everyone calls the 'real world'. I've definitely seen glimpses of it in my daily life, but I guess they don't show up consistently enough for me to get the full picture. It's as if whatever I've been through so far in my short life is nothing more than preparations and trainings to face it and this internship is an on-the-job crash course. Will the trainings be adequate enough for me? We'll just have to wait and see.

I'm now at the last checkpoint and looking back, I must say that I'm happy. It has definitely been a rough ride but what's the fun in a life without challenges? I've accomplished so many feats that the secondary school me will be more than pleased to know. I've accomplished so many feats that the future me can look back and say that I'm proud of what I did. Most importantly, I've enjoyed the journey.

When I first entered polytechnic, I was expecting a smooth transition to a less hectic life and a whole lot of fun. I was wrong about one thing though, the former. No free lunches. No bed of roses. It's just as difficult as being a student in a junior college. Still, it varies from person to person but this is according to yours truly. I've noticed that the one thing that irks most junior college students is Project Work. Imagine multiplying that project work by 5 each semester. Project work is such a commodity that one cannot simply rely on one's own ability to succeed.

I think it's only normal that I experienced some sort of culture shock. No longer am I spoonfed with the answers to every question. Suddenly, I was placed in an unknown island and I had to fend for myself.

I was forced to be disciplined as lecturers don't constantly repeat instruction like they do in secondary school, chasing after your work. After all, I'm the only who'll suffer from it in the end when the grades are tabulated so I had to be smart when it comes to juggling schedules and deadlines.

I've always been bad at public speaking, or talking in general. So it's quite the irony that I entered a course which promotes communications as a form of art. It became clearer to me just how terribly equipped I was in social skills and after 2 1/2 years or so, it's still a mystery to me. One thing I do know is finding out how crucial communication is. It really is king. The only way for me to improve my communication skill is to learn how one conducts oneself in terms of verbal and non-verbal cues. I try to find out more about their background, their upbringing and their lifestyle to get a better sense of why they say what they say and why they do what they do. There are so many layers to one's identity, each incident in one's life will be inter-related to another.

One thing I've always had in me was respect. For that, I thank my parents and teachers for my well upbringing. I may not see things eye-to-eye very much with a lot of people but I've always respected everyone's opinion. Everyone's entitled to their own thoughts. I don't even want to try to change them because that will lead to an ugly dispute. I only want to let them see things from my perspective so they can in turn, respect it. Only then, can intelligent exchange of opinions be brought up as a friendly debate topic. The goal is not to find out who's right and who's wrong, it's to accept that there is no one-size-fits-all answers. Those who chose to be narrow-minded in accepting another's opinion, do not deserve to receive the same amount of respect a normal person should.

I started investing a lot more time alone. I've developed into an introverted creature, creating a 2 metre radius boundary around me. It was my safe haven, anything nearer than that is an intrusion to my space. Only the most worthy could enter, the rest I push away. Soon, you'll start to realise your circle shrinking and the division much clearer.

Friendships formed, friendships lost. More acquaintances formed, more acquaintances lost.

I've definitely grown a lot from the experiences I had the past 2 years or so, I wouldn't have wanted any of part of it to have turned out differently. I've been through hell and back, I've seen the very best that the world could offer for that period of time. Strength to strength. Some scarred me deeply. Others leaving me beaming with pride. Like I said earlier, I enjoyed the journey. Every bit of it. Who would've thought I'd made it?

I have mixed emotions rushing in my veins. Bittersweet feeling of leaving the familiarity of school. I will miss many things here.

This chapter is finally closing, I'm penning the last paragraphs.

Thank you and farewell DMC.

Communication.

I was born in '82, a poor man's son
When it came to hand-me-downs, he only gave me one
At first I was ungrateful, at once I was confused
He said, "music is the cup for you I pour
It's all I really have, wish I could give you more
But I have to catch my ride, son, I'm off to a distant shore"
You see my dad gave me the keys but I'd have to show myself to the door

Soon the words he left were too faint to hear
And a path with no direction made it hard to steer
My soul was dry and thirsty, my mind was so unclear
While wandering around and searching there
I came across a man I'd seen before I swear
And again I'd see him too on a beach with the fading of the moon

And he'd say,
“Communication is calling you it's all in you
No hesitation, you've got to see this through”

I needed something to fill me up
In my bag a gift from dad, my music cup
Well, I should have looked there first, in an attempt to quench the thirst
The taste was like a melody
With words to follow so expressively
I was off to share my song and no, it wouldn't be too long
'til I was standing on the stage and the crowd would sing it back to me

And we'd say,
"Communication is calling us it's all in us
A celebration for you and me and the universe, our destination"

(How we find the answers)
When we search beyond ourselves you know we always learn
(We become so clever)
Let our walls crumble and burn away
(Make a change forever)
Can we lend a better hand than the one that we've been dealt?
Let the music be the way we get there

And we sing
(La la la la la la la la)

>(La la la la la la la la)

(La la, la la)

(La la la la la la la la)

We sing

(La la la la la la la la)
"Communication"

(La la)

I walked the beach that morning and I found my faithful friend
Waiting there with words of wisdom and a fishing rod in hand
I watched him and I listened so peculiar and so sweet
Saying "Love is all that we need, and communication"

"Yeah, communication"

(La la la la la la la la)

(La la, la la)

(La la la la la la la la)

I said,

(La la la la la la la la)
"Communication

(La la, la la)

Is calling me and yes, it's all in me"

(La la la la la la la la)

(La la, la la)

The cup has served me well for fifteen years
With music in my world I've shed some fears
And I've tried to understand how to be a better man
There is rhythm to my life that ebbs and flows
And at times the inspiration comes and goes
But whenever it arrives, well, I go down a take a dive
When I swim up to the surface I sing "communication" every time

Yeah, yeah

I sing "communication"

I sing "communication" every time

(La la la)

(La la la la)

La la la

(La la la)

(La la la la)

I sing "communication"

(La la la)

(La la la la)

(La la la)

(La la la la)

Communication by Mae.

Bigger Than Love

2010-11-15T02:11:00.005+08:00

There is nothing in this world that is bigger than love, nothing.

We've all got scars as big as ours
A token for the pain we hide inside of us
Everyone's scared that somebody knows
You push it aside, yeah that's how it goes
If you've ever heard a beating heart
A rhythm for the songs we're too afraid to sing
Nobody here is perfectly fine
A delicate frame, a fragile design

If there's a hole in your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough
And its alarming how quickly we forget that

Nothing's bigger than love, oh, oh
Nothing's bigger than love, love, love
Nothing's bigger than love, oh, oh
All you need, all you need, all you need is love

Some people change and some just won't
You can't take back the words you wish you'd never said
Promises break and lovers will lie
You hold up your hands and let out a sigh
So smile right before you fall
And lay beside this mess and call it consequence
Somebody said that life isn't fair
When somebody else was saying a prayer

Nothing's bigger than love, oh, oh
Nothing's bigger than love, love, love
Nothing's bigger than love, oh, oh
All you need, all you need, all you need is

'Cause no-one's taking me out
And nothing's pulling me down
I turn my head to the crowd
This love is big and it's loud
This is a car in the crash
This is the light in the flash
This is the answers you know
But you're just too scared to ask
If there's a hole in your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough
Somehow it's never enough

Nothing's bigger than love, oh, oh
Nothing's bigger than love, love, love, love
Nothing's bigger than love, oh, oh
All you need, all you need, all you need is

Yeah, all you need, all you need is

Love, you need love, love, love

All you need, all you need is love

Bigger Than Love by My Favorite Highway.

Growing Up

2010-11-07T03:26:00.004+08:00

I wish time can just stop right about now, while I'm still at transition between teenagehood and adulthood. Where the world mattered, yet doesn't matter enough just yet. The future scares me, I don't want to have to grow up. I don't want the people around me to grow up, as selfish as that sounds. I want everything to remain like this for the rest of my life. I don't mind hiding inside this shell I carry around, at least the world looks more beautiful than what people who have been to the 'real world' made it out to be.

Growing up won't bring us down.

Photograph
Remembering the summer
It takes me back
To Southern California

Where the girls would all pass
On the boardwalk and laugh
At our desperate attempts
And our sunburned backs
We never had a chance
I remember that
And no matter what we do
We'll never lose what we had

Growing up
Won't bring us down
Yeah, growing up
It won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down

Graduate
What's a kid to do now?
Get away
We've got so much to prove

Cause it's time to move on
And I start to let go
But then "Wonderwall" comes on the radio
I flashed back to the night
In your parent's yard
Where we drank too much
And we talked about God

Growing up
Won't bring us down
Growing up
It won't bring us down

We're in this together
Yeah, we'll make it somehow
Nothing's gonna stop us now
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down
Oh, oh, oh

Photograph
Oh, give me something to remember

Growing up
Won't bring us down
Growing up
It won't bring us down

We're in this together
Yeah, we'll make it somehow
Nothing's gonna stop us now
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down
(Won't bring us down)
Growing up won't bring us down
(Won't bring us down)
Growing up won't bring us

Down

Growing Up by The Maine.

Don't Die Digging

2010-11-05T02:28:00.001+08:00

Note to self: don't die digging.

It's just another lonely night that I can't sleep

You know it's scary how much I need you lying next to me

I've dug a hole that I can't seem to climb out from

So much to carry but I won't stop until I know it's done

And it was harder than I ever expected

Although I seemed so calm and collected

I think I'm still recovering

Trying to find a way to just stop digging

Out of control, I'm getting closer

To the end of the road

I know that I'm going where I'm not supposed to go

I don't care what they say anymore

Out of control, I'm getting closer

Nothing to hold

I know I'm going where I'm not supposed to go

I don't care what they say anymore

Here comes another lonely night that I can't sleep

You know it's scary to think how much you know about me

Sometimes I think we're making terrible mistakes

Are we just working our way up to another heartbreak

And it was harder than I ever expected

Although I seemed so calm and collected

I think I'm still recovering

Trying to find a way just to stop digging

Out of control, I'm getting closer

And down the road

I know I'm going where I'm not supposed to go

I don't care what they say anymore

Out of control, I'm getting closer

Nothing to hold

I know I'm going where I'm not supposed to go

I don't care what they say anymore

It's getting late, I'm still awake

I have been waiting for you

Yeah, I have been waiting for you

Show me a way, we can escape

And I'll be waiting for you

We've got nothing to lose tonight

Out of control, I'm getting closer

And down the road

I know I'm going where I'm not supposed to go

I don't care what they say anymore

Out of control, I'm getting closer

Nothing to hold

I know I'm going where I'm not supposed to go

I don't care what they say anymore

Don't Die Digging by The Graduate.

The Last Time He Saw Dorie

2010-11-04T02:10:00.004+08:00

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what I want out of this."

"Are you lost then?"
"I guess I am."

"So... Is this goodbye?"

"No."

And that was the last time he saw Dorie.

He's in love with tragedy, in love with tragedy
She was a wreck, but he loved her
She was a wreck, but so was he
And the last time he saw Dorie, he didn't know what to say but
"Thank you because you loved me, it's all on me
'Cause I didn't want to stay, I didn't want to stay"

Live, live, live, live because you love, love, love
And love will make you give, give, give
And give in when you break, break, break
But you just want to fix yourself
Just to break again

The Last Time He Saw Dorie by Copeland.

The One Thing

2010-11-01T01:54:00.004+08:00

Funny how you always end up going for the one who doesn't notice you. The one whom you would try to get close to, knowing full-well that you'll be shot down with an arrow. Yet, you try again and again to force your way in. By the time you realise that whatever you hoped for is never going to materialise, you lose the one person who truly cared for you.

The one that has always been there for you, spurring you from the sidelines. Selflessly guarding your back so you wouldn’t shatter into pieces if you fall.

The one who has your best interest at heart. Keeping you company through the lonely nights.

The one whose only wish is for you to be happy. The shoulder you cry on and keep you warm through the coldest of days.

That's the one whom you should cherish with all your heart. The one you should never let go.

Because if you do, you'll lose out on the best life could offer to you.

If you've let the most important person down, mend it. It's never too late to fix it. If you can't, then build a new bridge to get across. There's absolutely no reason he/she wouldn't take you back, especially if he/she loved you so.

And then, there's me.

Here, just you and me and the fear

I wonder if you are as scared as I am

I'm taking your hand and pulling you near
Bliss, the gentle touch of lips

An endless moment where time is slowing down

Now I can't feel the ground

I just wanna breathe in this feeling, and never let it out

You just gave me something to believe in

You are the one thing I can't live with out

I, I never even try

'Cause I always seem to be the one you only came to

If you needed to cry

If you, are wondering what we should do

Don't worry baby, cause we don't need a plan

Don't need to understand

I just wanna breathe in this feeling, and never let it out

(Never let it out)

You just gave me something to believe in

You are the one thing I can't live with out

I never thought that I would be the one to find

Someone like you, someone like you
I lived a selfish life until I realised

I cant live with out you, cant live with out you

I just wanna breathe in this feeling, and never let it out

(Never let it out)

You just gave me something to believe in

You are the reason I keep breathing and believing

And dare to dream out loud

(Dare to dream out loud)

And I just want to give in to this feeling

You are the one thing I can't live with out

The One Thing by Between The Trees.

Have Faith In Me

2010-10-27T01:38:00.006+08:00

If there's one thing I can not give up, it's the band. To the extent that I've given up on my pursuit of love and romance (which is a big deal for me) to actually get the band somewhere. I want to accomplish greatness with the band and especially with the most important people in my life, my best of friends. These are the few people who gets me. The people who doesn't judge me and I, in turn, reciprocates their gesture. The people who has grown up with me. These are the people whom I genuinely care about. As cliche as it sounds, I would be much happier in achieving some sort of success with this group of people over my own. I owe the band my life because it is mine.

Then again, the uncertainties of the future is limitless. I'm pretty sure there'll come a time when I have to choose between what my parents want and what I want to do with my life. When that time comes, I'll let the future Edwin decide. For now, it's pretty obvious which I'll choose.

Have faith in me...

Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I've seen, I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I'm going crazy
Cause there are things in the streets I don't believe
So we'll pretend it's alright

(Pretend it's alright)

And stay in for the night, oh what a world
I'll keep you safe here with me

(With me)

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders
They just wanna see me fall

They've got me on the outside, looking in
But I can't see at all
With the weight of the world on my shoulders
They just wanna see me fall

Have faith in me

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did

(Go, did)
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it

(Fall, meant it)
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did

Have Faith In Me by A Day To Remember.

How I Met Your Mother

2010-10-18T22:00:00.009+08:00

When you're watching a show, you can't help but be sucked into the realm of the created world in the show. It is true when people say that watching something is a form of escapism from reality and I like getting away from the real world more often than not. I'm usually more of a movie kind of guy because I'm too lazy to follow a television series though Friends and Glee captured my heart. I did not watch the entire 10 seasons of Friends sadly but I have been following Glee pretty religiously since the creation, or rather my discovery of online streaming. So, while I was channel surfing one very late night, yes I still watch television, I caught an episode of How I Met Your Mother. I think that was the turning point.

I'm not sure how one gets hooked to a television series but the most major reason that sold the show to me was how much I can associate myself with the characters in the show. It's one thing having characters that are likeable but having characters that remind you of you, that's something else. In that instant, I tried to recall of any characters in every show I've watched who I can associate myself to. When I mean associate to, I meant the character itself and not just getting caught in a similar situation in reality with what was happening in the staged scene. No one in Glee is anything close to how I am and I tried comparing the Friends characters with the closest group of friends that I have, though I couldn't find perfect replicates, I did manage to find similarities between the characters and my own friends.

The closest I could find was 500 Days of Summer which perhaps explains why I love the movie so much. Sadly, I'm no Tom Hansen. I'm just an ordinary guy who doesn't look like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and a 100 minutes of screenplay isn't long enough for me to find the kind of attachment with the character. However, I was able to relate to his character going through one hell of a 500-days ride though mine lasted nowhere near that long.

This brings me back to How I Met Your Mother, or HIMYM for short. I'm now halfway through season 2 but from the first episode of season 1, the character of Ted Mosby is one I can not only relate to, but grow some form of attachment to. It's like watching how I am like from the outside in, from the bad decisions he make to the kind of mentality he has when dealing with relationship situations. Excluding the drinking, the sexcapades and a career in architecture. Also, his charm and good looks. But hey, we can never find doppelgangers of ourselves right? At least, he's a little bit more realistic of a comparison than a certain Tom Hansen.

I also have developed the biggest crush on Robin Scherbatsky, especially when she and Ted were a couple (I've seen some season 3 episodes showing on cable so I thought, what the heck) and because I was rooting so badly for Ted, I wish they had gotten together instead. Has she dethroned Friends' Rachel Green? Very close call, but gosh it's Jennifer Aniston. Well, I like both characters for different reasons and good looks is definitely one common trait they both share.

So for anyone interested in how I'm like, you can use Ted as a good gauge minus a little drama. As for the other characters in the show, well, I have my candidates. Still, very much like the show's ironical sense of not showing or saying who exactly this future Ted's wife really is, I do not know mine. For all I know I might end up with the Robin of reality, wouldn't that be sweet? And yes, I will tell my kid/s (if any) the story of how I met his/her/their mother.

(How I met your mother now)

Heard you say
“You're too good for me”
When you got down to call me over
It blew my head away
Never wanted me
Now you left the keys
Through the dark and up the stairs
I can hardly breathe

Waited all my life
For this kiss tonight

Sneaking out your window now
There is only one way out
The grass is so far down
My pants are falling to the ground
Two's company and three's a crowd
Regret it, forget it
How I met your mother, now

Sneaking out
We’re naked now
In the dark, our lips connect
Hush, don't make a sound
Then I knew, too good to be true
Those green eyes had turned to blue
Realized it wasn't you

Waited all my life
Then it crashed tonight

Sneaking out your window now
There is only one way out
The grass is so far down
My pants are falling to the ground
Two's company and three's a crowd
Regret it, forget it
How I met your mother

And when you ran into the room
You screamed it in, now what to do
You can't learn this at school
I never dreamed this how we'd be
One day, I hope you'll forgive me
So tell me
Now, who's laughing?

Heard you say
“You're too good for me”
Now your mom just picked me up in her Escalade

Sneaking out your window now
There is only one way out
The grass is so far down
My pants are falling to the ground
Two's company and three's a crowd
Regret it, forget it
How I met your mother
How I met your mother, now

How I Met Your Mother by The Friday Night Boys.

Never Ready To Leave

2010-10-14T03:02:00.004+08:00

It's not that I haven't been trying hard enough, there's just something about your presence that captivates me. Blame it on impulse but I couldn't help it. It's really not helping and I should start looking forward without ever turning back. I can't afford to mess it up again, I made up my mind and I should learn to deal with it. It's going to be a struggle for sure, just look at how it is now. No more of that. I moved away. I wasn't ready to leave but now I am, I hope.

This room's been dusted
And it's covered in prints from
The month you spent with me
And I've cataloged it
Arranged the report

With a chapter every week
And I've studied sleepless
Biting my nails and grinding my teeth
And I think I've had it
But that makes two of us
'Cause you've had it with me

And here in the meantime
I'm a fly on the wall and glued to the action
A twist in the plotline
A demand for a call, the loss of attraction

And I'll tell you the worst part
You're exactly the way that I thought you would be
So I'll staple the last call
'Cause I'll move away, but I'm never ready to leave
(Whoa, whoa)
I'll move away but I'm never ready to leave

This house is haunted
But not in the way that you've always heard it said
And I'll dust the attic
No, razor teeth making camp beneath your bed
But I've heard them walking late at night
With twins of confusion and regret
And they share the stories of things

That I have done that I'd rather just forget

Here in the meantime
I'm a fly on the wall and glued to the action
A twist in the plotline
A demand for a call, the loss of attraction

And I'll tell you the worst part
You're exactly the way that I thought you would be
So I'll staple the last call
'Cause I'll move away but I'm never ready to leave

(Never ready to leave)

(Never ready to leave)

So this is how it feels to be 24
A thief without a key to an open the door
Just peering through the window, for any clue
Or anything explaining a part of you
I guess the real question that I don't know
Is why I am afraid of letting go?
Why am I afraid of letting go?

Here in the meantime
I'm a fly on the wall and glued to the action
A twist in the plotline
A demand for a call, a loss of attraction

And I'll tell you the worst part
You're exactly the way that I thought you would be
So I'll staple the last call
'Cause I'd move away but I'm never ready to leave
(Whoa, whoa)
Well, I'll move away but I'm never ready to leave

(Whoa, whoa)
'Cause I'd move away but I'm never ready to leave

(Whoa, whoa)
Well, I'd move away but I'm never ready to leave

Never Ready To Leave by Sherwood.

Maybe I'm Just Tired

2010-10-04T02:39:00.004+08:00

I'm at a loss for words to be honest. Such a pity, although it's not anyone's fault. It just didn't happen. It's not that it has never crossed my mind, it did countless times but each time I do, I find myself staring at the reasons why it shouldn't. To be fair, I shouldn't use logic to reason out but because I've to make sure that all factors are considered, I didn't want to leave it to chance. I hate the fact that I can't overcome that barrier but I know it's for the best. Maybe I'm scared because truth be told, the stakes are high and I'm not much of a risk-taker. Or maybe, I'm just tired.

If love comes your way

Don't be afraid
Unlock the box you heart's encased
Hope it won't change

Beware of the games
That she'll want to start playing

(Oh, lately babe
I stay awake

Thinking this life gets lonely)
Well, maybe I'm just scared
Scared to let you go
(I want you to know
Right from hello
Your love just kept me wondering)
Well, maybe I'm just tired
Tired of never knowing, yeah

But I know I'm not good enough for you

I know I'm not good enough for you

Yeah, I know I'm not good enough for you

I know I'm not good enough for you

If I can be saved
Show me the way
Help me help myself, baby
(Don't be confused
Our love is true
Can tell by the way I'm looking at you)

Maybe I'm just tired
Tired of never knowing

'Cause I know I'm not good enough for you

I know I'm not good enough for you

Yeah, I know I'm not good enough for you

I know I'm not good enough for you

But I know I'm not good enough for you

I know I'm not good enough for you

Yeah, I know I'm not good enough for you

I know I'm not good enough for you

Maybe I'm Just Tired by As Tall As Lions.

Friends, Lovers Or Nothing

2010-09-29T01:41:00.004+08:00

Despite every single thing that happened, I'm glad we're still friends. Things would have been very different now had something else happened and although we both still wonder on the 'what-could-have-beens' on some occasions, I wouldn't have wished for things to have turned out any other way because we're closer than we ever were. It has made us stronger.

Everything happens for a reason and as difficult as it is to accept them, I have definitely seen glimpses of that reason. I don't know for sure whether to classify it under 'the bigger picture' because everything changes all the time. It's still early days, so I might be wrong and regret it sometime in the future but if indeed that happens, I would've learnt to accept it as it is. There's too many possibilities and as long as I know that I am living the present the way I want it to and the way I believe is best for me, that is good enough for me. After all, I've learnt to let go of so many things in the past and I have released all of my regrets with logic, indifference and acceptance.

What happened? Well, life happened.

Friends, lovers or nothing.

Now that we are over
As the loving kind
We'll be dreaming ways
To keep the good alive
Only when we want is not
A compromise
I'll be pouring tears
Into your drying eyes

Friends, lovers or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
There'll never be an in-between
So give it up

You whispered "come on over"

'Cause you're two drinks in
But in the morning I will say
Goodbye again
Think we'll never fall into
The jealous game
The streets will flood

With blood of those who felt the same

Friends, lovers or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
There'll never be an in-between
So give it up

Friends, lovers or nothing
We can really only ever be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
Don't you know
We'll never be the in-between
So give it up

We'll never the in-between
So give it up

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go
Anything less than I love you is lying

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go

Anything less than I love you is lying

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go

Anything less than I love you is lying

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go

Anything less than I love you is lying

Anything other than yes is no

(Anything other than yes)
Anything other than stay is go

(Anything other than stay is)

Anything less than I love you is lying

(Lying, lying, lying)

Anything other than yes is no

(Anything, anything, anything)
Anything other than stay is go

Anything less than I love you is lying

(Is lying, is lying, is lying)

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go

(Anything other than)

Anything less than I love you is lying

Friends, Lovers Or Nothing by John Mayer.

Liars

2010-09-16T01:02:00.001+08:00

Is saying half truths considered a lie? If it does then I'm a perpetual liar and as a matter of fact, I'm being educated to be a one. A damn good one. Advertising, journalism, public relations, you name it.

There are so many times in our lives when we are faced with a problem and we have to decide on one out of a few different solutions. We try to create possible outcome scenarios for each paths and we usually end up choosing the ones with the most benefit or the least harm. More often than not, we have to sacrifice some things for each scenarios and some of them include having to lie. Like telling a 5-year-old that Santa Claus is real. We don't want to be the evil person to break the poor kid's heart by telling him/her that it was his/her dad inside the fat suit right? So, we lie. It's a perfectly reasonable reason to make a white lie of course, seeing how you don't want to spoil the beautiful white Christmas for the innocent youngling. Maybe all that practice is the reason why we're so good at lying.

I've lied to possibly everyone I know, to myself even and it's not something I'm proud of but it's something that has to be done. People always make up some fabricated excuses just to avoid seeing another person; then again just because everyone does it, it doesn't make it right. But well, I do it anyway. Why? Well, there's a lot of reasons though most are psychological reasons which I find extremely difficult to word due to their complexity. I lied. It's just personal reasons that could be really sensitive information so it's not appropriate for me to reveal them so openly.

I guess the lines get blurry when we are faced with more adverse and delicate situations. Like telling someone you love him/her because you don't want to break his/her heart at that very point in time in the hopes that it will die off with time or that you have a change of heart and actually love the person back. It's called leading him/her on. Like pretending to be someone else in front of another so as to impress or attract the other person because you know that the real you would be a total turn-off. It's called acting. Like a simple "I'm ok" reply to someone who's asking how you are though you know that the blackhole inside of you is sucking every ounce of oxygen. It's called hiding.

Let me get something off my chest, I have been a victim of the aforementioned before and it sucks to know that you thought was the truth was nothing but a lie. A hidden bull manure well-decorated in flowery gift wraps with a ribbon on top. I also have been the initiator who pulled the strings and have a photo of me pasted as targets onto dart boards.

At the end of the day, you can't really say that anything you did was the best option because the real outcome is never received instantaneously. But for what you did get out of that little white lie you made, you hold it close and be thankful because it could have been a lot worse. And as long as it lets you sleep at night, you know you're not on the wrong track. It may not be the right one, but at least it wasn't the wrong one. Then again, there's no right or wrong.

We're all liars.

So I struggle to speak with my

One chance a week, it leaves you sadder
And he'll keep writing the hooks

While she likes his good looks, its not much better

Please just don't give up the hand

That I've held with all the passion I could muster
If he could set down the punch

He would ask her to dance but he can't trust her to say yes

Did we have something 'cause I don't think we did

(I don't think we did)
And come tomorrow I'll have your face covered with

Signs that I'm moving on

So don't you think that I'm hurt

It's your feelings that matters, sweetie
And if I knew you weren't doing what

I know you're doing I'd be flattered you were thinking of me

'Cause I'm sick of the necking

My body's rejecting

The pictures of you two in your room
That my brain's so good at painting

'Cause we do the same thing
I know you need it, but I need you

Did we have something 'cause I don't think we did

(I don't think we did)
And come tomorrow I'll have your face covered with

Signs that I'm moving on

And I'm sorry it came to this

I flipped that note on the fridge

That doubles as a grocery list
I'll be staying at my moms with the broken dryer

(I'm moving on)
I'm desperate for a wash 'cause I've been soaked with liars

Liars, liars

Liars, liars

Did we have something 'cause I don't think we did

(I don't think we did)
And come tomorrow I'll have your face covered with

Signs that I'm moving on

And I'm sorry it came to this

I flipped that note on the fridge

That doubles as a grocery list
I'll be staying at my moms with the broken dryer

(I'm moving on)
I'm desperate for a wash 'cause I've been soaked with liars

Did we have something 'cause I don't think we did

Liars by The Bay State.

On My Own

2010-09-12T23:44:00.003+08:00

I like how I can mute the world. No noisy background chatters. No loud shrieking laughters. No wailing babies. No one in particular to focus my attention to.

Just me and the music in my ears.

It's been a while since I really enjoyed my own's company, I guess I'm getting too dependent on having people around me in order to function properly.

On my own...

Take me home, I'm so sick of everyone

There's nothing for me here but all
The ones who don't care at all

About where I needed to go
This ship has been sinking from

The day we chose

To leave that eastern coast
Sail away, hope for the most
Until it fell below
The tale of dreams I thought we all followed

This time it's me on my own
Finally free and I won't
Give up my dreams for no one
Or be a pawn

Of what they want me to
This time be sure they'll listen
To what I say, I'll mean it
With every single word
I'll make sure I am heard
So they won't have a doubt

Of what I want to be

And every time that I would speak
You never listened, words came out, but you fell asleep
And you expect for my technique
To slowly weaken till the point where you could just defeat me

Well, no, no sir I don't think so
That's just not the way it works here
And oh, oh do I feel for you
How could you just let it blow out to sea

And leave that eastern coast
Sail away, hope for the most
Until it fell below
The tale of dreams I thought we all followed

This time it's me on my own
Finally free and I won't
Give up my dreams for no one
Or be a pawn
Of what they want me to
This time be sure they'll listen
To what I say, I'll mean it
With every single word
I'll make sure I am heard
So they won't have a doubt
Of what I want to be

So take, take, take it all away
(Just take, take, take it all away)
The moment that you know
Know and realize it's a waste

To keep asking why
The time's passing
We'll watch the stars from above
Shine a different light

This time it's me on my own

This time it's me on my own
Finally free and I won't
Give up my dreams for no one
Or be a pawn of what they want me to
This time be sure they'll listen
To what I say, I'll mean it
With every single word
I'll make sure I am heard
So they won't have a doubt

Of what I want to be

So they won't have a doubt

Of what I want to be

On My Own by Amely.

Battles

2010-09-11T17:33:00.005+08:00

There comes a point in everyone's life when friends drift apart and end up on the other side of the battlefield. Then you make new friends with the army of company you're with and suddenly there is a common enemy. People take sides and it's only natural for us to conform because like all human, we need people around us. We need some kind of support system to know we are not facing the battle on our own.

If you're not with us, then you're with the enemy.

It's a cruel world but that has always been the mentality. We are insecure creatures.

When the war eventually breaks out, we fight until the death but at the end of it all we realised that there was really no purpose to it all. We lost track of things in the heat of the moment and the outcome is as good as the origin. It became an egoistical fight to see who's right and who's not when there is no clear answer.

Everyone is right and yet, everyone is wrong.

Because we see the world through our own perspectives, our views are tinted to the colour we see the world in. It is also altered by our environment, most notably our friends.

I'd like to think that by sitting in the fence, I get to see the world through a neutral lens but when emotions and thoughts get in the way, it's difficult not fall prey. It will always be something that struck a nerve that forces me to eventually take sides. But while I am still able to control myself, I try to keep an open mind and ensure that I'm level-headed enough to not do anything rash and uncalled for.

Some people call it maturity, some people call it cowardice.

I am playing it safe because either way I lose. It's not so much about what I will lose in the end, it's more of how much I can salvage after all of that. I guess there are things in life that you lose and can never regain. It will always be different. Just like how I can't predict the outcome of the past few days. I can only hope that it is for the best though there really is no better outcome. Everything will always have it's downside and no one will escape unscathed.

In fact, it has already begun. Shots have been fired and blood has been spilled.

Truth is, all of these are our own creations.

Battles.

Cursed by my imagination
Teaming with echoes of situations
I do not feel well, pressed beneath this spell
Polishing my social skills
With one more drink, and two more pills
I do not feel good, I thought by now I would

But then again

It's like one thousand papercuts
Soaked in vinegar
Like the battles with yourself
That leave you insecure
It's all just a numbing charade
Until the day you finally wake up
And you're not
Afraid

Bound by my own disposition
The endless hunt to find fruition
I'm insatiable, even if my cup is full
My sore throats are now routine
I gotta write those songs, make 'em scream
They're insatiable, even if their ears are full

But then again

(But then again)

It's like one thousand papercuts
Soaked in vinegar
Like the battles with yourself
That leave you insecure
It's all just a numbing charade
Until the day you finally wake up
And you're not
Afraid

It's like one thousand papercuts
Soaked in vinegar
Like the battles with yourself
That leave you insecure
It's all just a numbing charade
Until the day you finally wake up
And you're not
Afraid

Battles by The Spill Canvas.

Your Own Disaster

2010-09-08T23:04:00.003+08:00

Your own disaster.

Just think of this and me
As just a few of the many things
To lie around to clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait

'Cause there's some things
I'd like to say to you

And I don't think that you know what you've been missing
And I don't think that you know what you've been missing

And I dare you to forget
The marks you left across my neck
From those nights when we were both found at our best
I said I could make this obvious and you

You could deny it all in one breath
Well, come and shrug me off your shoulders

And I don't think that you know what you've been missing
And I don't think that you know what you've been missing

And I don't think that you know
It's that I don't think that you know
It's that I don't think that you know what you've been missing

Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend

Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey lush, have fun

It's the weekend

Just forget me, it's that simple
(Hey lush, have fun)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(It's the weekend)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(Hey lush, have fun)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(It's the weekend)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(Hey lush, have fun)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(It's the weekend)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(Hey lush, have fun)

Just forget me, it's that simple
(It's the weekend)

You're all I know, you're all I know

(Just forget me, it's that simple)

(Hey lush, have fun)

You're all I know, you're all I know

(Just forget me, it's that simple)

(It's the weekend)

You're all I know, you're all I know

(Just forget me, it's that simple)

(Hey lush, have fun)

You're all I know, you're all I know

(Just forget me, it's that simple)

(It's the weekend)